Ending Relationships - Learn to Leave

New Update: Announcing the Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz and Course

https://www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure, etc. This is why I created the course: The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You're invited to take the quiz and learn about your Response.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which means how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again while attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting.

Check out the quiz to learn more: See link above.

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For more information related to this topic and much more follow me on Instagram, I post new content every day. https://www.instagram.com/alan_robarge_psychotherapist/

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Ending Relationships - Learn to Leave

On this video, I talk about creativity and the art of leaving relationships. I present different styles of leaving and how many of us fail to prepare an end, specifically how we want to show up and how we want to approach the process. When we contemplate how to end, we realize that there are a range of options available to us. This range of styles runs the gamut from kind, compassionate, reasonable to a bitter, angry, dramatic.

One obstacle to ending with grace is that the ending is often one-sided. We want our partner to participate in closure and work out the goodbye together. This desire is unrealistic. Chances are if partners have the skills to create such an intentional, caring ending, then they would possess the skills to offer repair and save the failing relationship.

When relationships begin we over time invest in deepening our connection slowly to our partner. This is the purpose of a courtship. Additionally, we would benefit from doing the same thing when exiting a relationship and when creating closure. Perhaps we can call that a closure-ship. If both partners are not participating, then a closure-ship will not happen. It is often due to being denied this conscious ending of goodbye that triggers much anger, resentment, and confusion.

We have to work to give ourselves a meaningful closure on our own and with others outside of the relationship. We can do this through creativity, imagination, and the use of ritual. We can do this by finding a community of like-minded people who also are going through the same thing as well as working with a skilled therapist or grief counselor.

When grieving the end, we can benefit from being conscious of the five phrases that many of us need to explore as part of our healing journey. The five phrases are the following: I’m angry, I miss you, I’m sorry, Thank you, and goodbye. Two additional phrases also sometimes come up here: I love you and I forgive you.

Using creative expression is a way to help us process grief feelings and make meaning out of our losses. Creative expressions such as painting, drawing, dancing, scrap-booking, etc. help us create rituals. We also can explore differences between grieving and mourning. Grieving is our inner world experience of emotions and thoughts that capture the range and totality of our process. Mourning is the outward expression of our grief through activities and behaviors that afford us the vehicles to move through the grief. Acts of mourning give us something to do and create experiences out of the grief.

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Thanks for watching this video.

If the topic of this video has sparked self-reflection and you are now asking yourself “How do I overcome this?”, “How can I heal?”, the Improve your Relationships community is the right place for you. To learn more about the membership community visit http://www.alanrobarge.com/community The community provides a structured and reoccurring 8-week program of helpful conversations, learning, and support; it offers resources, worksheets, and videos. It promotes a model of self-directed healing and invites self-accountability. You are invited to join us.

Also if you benefit from this video and would like to become a sustaining supporter through a reoccurring or one-time donation, then please check out http://www.alanrobarge.com/donate

To learn more about working together go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/

Remember... emotional connections matter!

Видео Ending Relationships - Learn to Leave канала Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist