Repeating Relationship Patterns - You're Dating Your Parent

New Update: Announcing the Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz and Course

https://www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz

Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure, etc. This is why I created the course: The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You're invited to take the quiz and learn about your Response.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which means how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again while attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting.

Check out the quiz to learn more: See link above.

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In this video, I talk about reoccurring relationship patterns and looks at how these patterns get set up in our early, formative years during childhood. We repeat what we know. We repeat what is familiar. We learn some good skills when growing up, and then also, learn some not so good skills. Most of us are not able to fully question or examine the underlying assumptions and expectations that come with these skills we inherit. We just assume that our way of relating is “normal.”

Healing is about becoming more conscious about the skills we inherited and parsing out what we learned that was either helpful or not helpful to us as adults. When looked at closely, we can easily see that many of the family rules we learned in childhood were channeled or interpreted from the point of view of our younger, developing self – our child self. So this means we are using rules endorsed or believed by our child-self point of view without actually questioning if these rules and beliefs are what we want to endorse or follow today.

Most families do not have built into their communication system a way to receive feedback for adapting to change. This means that most families collectively do not strive for healthier relating. They stay stuck in their usual ways of relating. The family system often times stays at equilibrium and doesn’t change.

This approach of non-change continues to play out on an individual level in our adult relationships. Even if most of us set out to do something different other than what we learned in our family, chances are we end up repeating the same pattern. We end up finding partners who remind us of our parents.

Sometimes we assign meaning to these reoccurring patterns. We think that a reoccurring pattern means that we are able to rework the old scenario of relating and experience a corrective experience. People can confuse themselves with this type of belief. We need to be careful not to be under the influence of denial which means we are justifying bad relationships by convincing ourselves that we need to learn some lesson.

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Thanks for watching this video.

If the topic of this video has sparked self-reflection and you are now asking yourself “How do I overcome this?”, “How can I heal?”, the Improve your Relationships community is the right place for you. To learn more about the membership community visit http://www.alanrobarge.com/community The community provides a structured and reoccurring 8-week program of helpful conversations, learning, and support; it offers resources, worksheets, and videos. It promotes a model of self-directed healing and invites self-accountability. You are invited to join us.

Also if you benefit from this video and would like to become a sustaining supporter through a reoccurring or one-time donation, then please check out http://www.alanrobarge.com/donate

To learn more about working together go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/

Remember... emotional connections matter!

Alan Robarge, LPC
Attachment Focused, Trauma Informed
Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach

Repeating Relationship Patterns - You're Dating Your Parent

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Want to learn more about relationships? Sign up for my Everyday Relating Questionnaire. https://www.alanrobarge.com/everydayrelating

Видео Repeating Relationship Patterns - You're Dating Your Parent канала Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist