Grieving Fantasy Bonds and Fantasy Relationships

As an Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist, I teach and promote a model of Self-Directed Healing, which translates into a model of self-empowerment. We’re strengthening your ability to advocate for yourself. As Selfhealers, we take a holistic approach. This means we advocate for your mental health, your personal growth, and your overall well-being. It means you are in the driver seat of your own care.

On my videos, I like to talk about and explore Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Codependency, Love Addiction, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Love Yourself, Fantasy Relationships, Trauma Bonding, and CPTSD Breakthroughs.

Heal Your Relationships = #attachmenttrauma
Trust Your Intuition = #selfhealers
Repair w/ Reparenting = #innerchild

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On this video, Alan Robarge, Relationship Coach, talks about fantasy bonds and fantasy relationships. The origin for both comes from our mind’s ability to internalize relationships, which means we are in relationship with the idea of the relationship.

This mechanism to internalize the relationship allows us to stay connected to loved ones when we are not connected via proximity. We can conjure up the memory of our important partner or family member and activate the attachment system. This allows us to sustain continuity of relating even if the other person is not present.

The challenge with this function of mind is that it means for some of us it’s all we know. The result then is that we have an overdeveloped sense of relating internally to the idea of our partner or parent or family member; but in truth, we considerably fall short in actually engaging in emotional presence, attunement, and reciprocal responsiveness.

Moreover, certain families only relate through these fantasy bonds. These families and/or family members are not actively invested in honest vulnerability and intimacy. These families can be loving and kind; however, if there is no real interest in truly getting to know each other, then the consequence is an underlying emptiness and deep sense of isolation within the relationship.

If these are the types of relationships experienced in childhood, then it’s possible that this is the origin of developmental-emotional trauma as attachment injuries. The covert messaging that gets reinforced here specifically communicates to the child, “you are not really worth knowing; we are only pretending at knowing each other.”

Waking up to these family dynamics can be considerably disorienting. It can feel like reality as we know it has somehow shifted and/or been lost. It can invite a profound groundlessness. The intensity of emptiness that we access and feel when we are more aware of these fantasy bonds and fantasy relationships is in many ways “proof” that this is the case. The byproduct or result of fantasy relating is emptiness. When we feel the emptiness, it validates the fantasy.

Thanks for watching this video.

To learn more about working together go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/

I offer Attachment-Focused, Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching and Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples. I work with adult clients dealing with relationship challenges or failures, lack of purpose, emotional-developmental trauma, and loneliness. I help clients solve problems, feel feelings, and get unstuck. I work with clients via telephone and video-conferencing.

I also offer a membership community called Improve Your Relationships. The community provides a structured and reoccurring 8-week program of helpful conversations, learning, and support; it offers resources, worksheets, and videos. It promotes a model of self-directed healing and invites self-accountability. To join us and learn more go to http://www.alanrobarge.com/community

Remember... emotional connections matter!

Alan Robarge, LPC
Attachment Focused, Trauma Informed
Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach

Grieving Fantasy Bonds and Fantasy Relationships

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Want to learn more about relationships? Sign up for my Everyday Relating Questionnaire. https://www.alanrobarge.com/everydayrelating

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Видео Grieving Fantasy Bonds and Fantasy Relationships канала Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist