I Didn't Use The Toilet For 2 Whole Years! Because I Have...

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Ste's story is about hiding a grave illness under a normal facade. His condition didn't allow him to use the bathroom for 2 years and it makes him fight with himself every day.

Ste can't say for certain how old he was when he first succumbed to the illness but the exhausting nausea started back in June 2012. Can you imagine throwing up 20 to 30 times a day? Between the bouts of nausea, he felt sick and dizzy. It was unbearable but it became even worse when he got hit in the stomach with a rugby ball during an amateur game.

Ste was hospitalized and that was how his life turned into purgatory. The examination revealed a diagnosis: Crohn's disease. It's a severe and rare disorder which mostly affects the gastrointestinal tract, including all of its sections and tissues. The multiple fistulae and necrotic patches cause Ste unimaginable suffering. According to statistics, 50 to 150 people in every 100,000 are sick. So Ste was unlucky enough to be one of them. He pretty much moved to the hospital now. One surgery came after another. They cut him up 80 times within 2 years! Every surgery made his intestines a few inches shorter. At the end of it, his colon is 35 inches instead of 5 feet long, and his small intestine is 8 feet long when it should be 20. His belly was slashed every which way. The huge stitch going from his sternum all the way down to his pubic bone became his lifeline more than once. It was physically taxing, but it wasn't good for his mental health either. Confined to his hospital bed, Ste lost the ability to socialize.

It was frightening to realize that all of his organs were on the verge of collapse. His stomach was basically useless because his duodenum was compressed. Since his stomach couldn't empty itself, the doctors would insert a Ryle's tube through his nostrils so that the liquid in his stomach didn't stagnate. He has Hickman lines implanted all over his body: they are special intravenous catheters which deliver nutrients and, more importantly, medicine to his internal organs while his stomach is incapable of absorbing and redistributing it. The end of the line rests in his heart. His liver and kidneys are also dysfunctional because there's not enough liquid in his body. All of his internals are covered with ulcers, fistulae, and lesions. You can probably imagine how much it hurts. Ste's entire body is an open wound that can't even be attended to without cutting up his skin and muscle.

Add a bunch of comorbid symptoms and syndromes to the list. His bones are brittle because of a condition called osteoarthritis. He also has gastroparesis and multiple other issues. Sometimes, his chronic pain blurs his vision and dims his mind. But Ste has learned to treasure every day of his life so he pulls through and through and through.

Ste wishes he could spend more time at home. He's only been there for 4 weeks in the last 18 months. Being separated from his friends and family is mentally devastating. Of course they try to support him but their faces don't look very encouraging when they see him all cut up and covered in tubes. So Ste prefers to be the only one who sees himself like this. You can imagine how challenging it gets. As a young man, walking around with a stoma bag is unpleasant, to say the least. But his disease doesn't care about his preferences.

Ste was incapable of eating a normal meal for 2 years. His condition took away his ability to enjoy the taste of all the food he's loved since he was a kid. And he couldn't use the toilet like an ordinary person for 2 years. This is the life fate has in store for him. But Ste is not about to complain and weep and despair.

Ste feels insulted when he's standing in line for the disabled toilet and he notices someone snickering like "look at his audacity". He can't possibly explain to every stranger how hard it was to get out of bed in the morning and dress himself to look like a regular, able-bodied person. None of them have any idea what Ste's body looks like under his shirt, where tubes and tubules keep him alive. He actually does want to be normal and blend in but it costs him tremendous effort. Incredible pain surges through his body with every waking moment. He merely hides the suffering that is intrinsic to his every step or movement.

Ste would like to tell every friend or stranger: "Please don't pity me or fret about accommodating me. It's not what I want. Nor do I want fame. I'm just a person like any other. Don't insult or humiliate me. Before you say anything, take a moment to think how much pain your words can bring me – and I'm in enough pain already. Don't be hasty in sticking labels on people. The most important things about a person are often well-hidden, after all."

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