Scoliosis Cracking + SCARY Ring Dinger®, Relax, ASMR w/ Full Body Chiropractic Adjustment.

Location Mechanicsburg, PA.

~ Condenser Microphone Cracks & Crunches
~ Quiet Face Paper & Quiet Office = ASMR
~ Mindfully Placed Ads ~ Relax
~ Chiropractic Sleep Time Remedy
~ Elegant Storytelling

A Day In My Life

In the morning I wake up and roll over to the bedside table, and take a gigantic hit of intravascular vitamin C. As you already know, I've got veins so there's no need to tie off.

It's just: tap, tap, plunge.

I cartwheel out of bed where my fuzzy serpent slippers are precisely placed, waiting for a perfect pairing with my peds. 

There's currently a spider spinning a web above the bedroom doorway. 

"I'll allow it"

I do 3 one-arm pullups at the door, left side only, to balance out a lifetime of right side dominance.

It's 17 steps to the kitchen where my water awaits consumption. 

A 28oz (1/4 of the day's consumption) glass of water, sits on a smooth piece of amethyst crystal. There's a different crystal for each day of the week. Each crystal is based on the chakra healing energy for that day. 7 crystals for 7 chakras for 7 days).

I drink 3/4 of the water stopping to mouth a handful of dried leaves and berries that I harvested from my sacred garden the night before. Each leaf was picked at the exact time when the herb's zodiac companion was directly overhead in the sky. For Example... Jupiter is the planet for Lemon Balm.

The berries are harvested using a mesh net made from the eyebrows of Tibetan mountain goats. But not the ordinary goats. Only the tribal elder's eyebrows are selected... they are limited to a circle of 3, due to the fact that they sit on a small, impossible to reach cliff that's located 35 degrees above Due South East. Which is exactly where the sunlight will arrive at 8:38 am. Which is when the crow sh*ts. 

OK, OK. 

Defecates. 

That's what I do next too. And I've already cleaned and prepared the colonic measurement equipment. It's important to track the color, quantity, and quality of your "daily dumpings."

In fact, that's the name of the journal I keep on the toilet bowl tank to record data. 

If it floats to the top then I've been eating too much fat. Rocks at the bottom? Time for a little more protein. 

I always smile when the resemblance to a half-sunken ship appears. Light to medium brown. 

And the clean wipe... oh the day! 

That has a name btw... it's called...

"A Flawless Victory.

Then I take a cold shower while shaving my head. With a new razor, it takes 30 or fewer swipes. After 1 week the blade loses sharpness. It increases by 5 swipes every 6 days.

I don't shave on Fridays. 

I beard trim once every 28 days, on the full moon...

obviously...

And I thoroughly enjoy the changing landscape as the month proceeds. I leave the clippings in the sink, for I have a team of beetle butlers who clean the bathroom bi-daily.

Then yoga. Meditation. Time for a nap. 

When I wake up I grab the weights. I have the Bowflex variable weight dumbbell system. Except I got the Chinese version, which has 20 more lbs of weight than the American counterpart. It's slick. Turn a dial and it goes from 10-70lbs. Except that it's in Kg.

To the rest of the world, this is normal. But in the states, we have to convert it to lbs and re-label it using white-out and a sharpie.

I concentrate on bent-over rows, activating the tri's, rhomboids, rear delts. I notice the counter contraction of bi's, pecs, mid and anterior delts. The right rotator cuff is a bit cranky sometimes. The trapezius is maintaining an erect spinal column and the pelvis is supported by the glutes, quads, hip flexors, all in a kinetic chain with the calves, ant tib, and the peds. The core is holding it all together. Which OF COURSE also implies a constant contraction of the deep spinal and postural muscle layers.

The bent-over row adds power to my ring dinger pingers. Flexed at 45 degrees, with each backward thrust of weight, I chant the repeating alternating phrases...

"YESSIR"

"YESSMA'AM"

"YESSIR"

"YESSMA'AM"

of course, in a Texas accent.  

NEXT! Time To Eat! 

OK OK OK...

This is a parody however it contains about 37% truth.

The spider is totally REAL!

What do you think about next week? Continue the parody or "A Day in The Life FOR REAL"

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THANKS FOR WATCHING "Scoliosis, Back Pain, Cracking, Ring Dinger®, Relax, ASMR w/ Full Body Chiropractic Adjustment."

And Thanks for Reading... too.

I do all of this for... you.

Dr. B

4500/5k

Listen, 500 characters isn't really all that much. And it's not preferable to start new ideas with such a small word limit. There's something about the creative process... Once the ship has sailed we must make the voyage... and non-completion of such creative thought ships would be like the sinking of the titanic. Hopes and dreams gone, lives lost, a sad symphonic "so long" being strummed by the brave band members waiting on deck for their peril...

sheeshus... I just accidentally hit "Ctr A" and erased this entire blog...

THANK GOODNESS for "Ctr Z"

5K

Видео Scoliosis Cracking + SCARY Ring Dinger®, Relax, ASMR w/ Full Body Chiropractic Adjustment. канала Chiropractic Medicine