How To Fix Your Broken Heart Right Now

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If you’re dealing with a broken heart, you’ve come to the right place.

Hi, I’m Lucy Goldman from LoveLearnings. We offer the best relationship advice online backed by science and expert opinion. So whether it’s first date ideas, how to get over a breakup, or how to flirt without embarrassment, we’ve got you covered. Subscribe right now for a new video every week.

If you’re watching this video, you probably feel like you can’t get out of bed, don’t know what to do with yourself, and just wish the pain would stop. There’s a big part of you that just wants to go to the person who broke your heart and beg and plead with them to take you back, or maybe you already have. Whatever your situation, I’m going to give you tips and advice to follow right now to start mending that broken heart.

Step One is to process your emotions

The first step to getting over a breakup isn’t putting on sweatpants and digging into a bowl of ice cream, although that helps too. First, before everything else you need to start by simply allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling, without judgment. Judging our own emotions is a very recent phenomenon and a harmful one. It’s an attempt to take control of our situation but what we’re really doing is putting up walls between ourselves and our feelings. Instead of preventing hurt, we’re merely slowing down our suffering so it lasts longer. You can’t reason with your emotions, you can only feel them.

Instead of fighting your feelings give yourself permission to grieve. Feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. Whether it’s despair, anger, worthlessness, emptiness, or even relief. Notice the emotions and the physical sensations in your body without judgment. In a perfect world, we’d be able to take two weeks off work after a breakup and really sit with our emotions but that’s not really feasible. Instead, put aside some time in your day, every day, to check in with yourself. I find that writing or talking aloud can be a great way to process emotions instead of letting them stew. And go easy on yourself. A breakup is a traumatic event and should be treated like one.

A 2010 study published in the journal of neurophysiology found that breakups created the same sort of reaction in the brain as cocaine withdrawal with similar accompanying side effects like despair, altered behaviour, and extreme desire for relief. The author of the study, Lucy Brown, said the following:

“Unlike other addictions that afflict only a percentage of the population, some form of love addiction is likely to occur to almost every human being that lives now and in our human past; few avoid the pain of romantic rejection either,”

This may be a relief if you feel that your pain makes you somehow weak or pathetic. We all go through the highs and lows of love and we all make it through eventually. Unfortunately, emotion is not a linear process. There are going to be times when the feelings all come flooding back and that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re on a general trend upward. If you find that it’s been months since your breakup and you can’t get out of the pit of despair, don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a therapist.

Now on to Step two...and that is to focus on yourself

Think of a breakup like a broken bone. You can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away. You can’t walk it off. You need to seek out treatment and take time to heal. That’s what step two is all about.

Start by making a plan. Pick one small thing you can do every day that will make you feel better. I like to break it down into several categories. You’ve got social, physical, self care and progress. You need to make sure that all four categories are being satisfied whenever possible. Social can be calling a friend or family member. Physical is exercising or eating a healthy meal. Self care is whatever you personally need to feel your best whether it be a pedicure, a massage, or meditation. And then there’s progress: any step you take to improving your situation in the long run. This can be as small as organizing your bathroom or as big as enrolling in a class.

I want to focus on exercise for just a second. It can be hugely helpful to get over a breakup. You may think you need a bottle of whiskey or some meaningless sex to get out of your head, but what you’re really looking for is a change to your state of mind. The truth is there’s no better way to change your state of mind than exercise. Exercise gives you endorphins, clears your head, and gives you a sense of progress and these are three things you desperately need when you’re trying to get over a broken heart. Start small--even a walk around the block is better than doing nothing.
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