Overcoming Trust Issues: Theirs and Yours

https://www.LoveLearnings.com -- Overcoming Trust Issues: Theirs and Yours.
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It can be hard to put our faith in another person, and to get them to put their faith in us. In this video I’ll tell you where trust issues come from and how to overcome them in your relationship to build a connection that will stand the test of time.

Hi, I’m Lucy Goldman from LoveLearnings. We offer simple relationship advice you can actually use backed up by scientific study and research. Just like this: how much we are able to trust is directly linked to how much intimacy we can develop with another person.

But let’s take a step back, to explain trust issues, first we have to explain trust.

Trust is the basis of our connection to other people. It’s the faith we have in another person that they’re going to act as we think they will. Basically, will they do what they say they will. Are they honest or are they unreliable.

Why is trust so important? Well, without trust, we’re not able to really be ourselves. Imagine you’re on an empty bus. Someone gets on and takes the seat right next to you for some reason. Chances are this sets off alarm bells in your brain. You’re freaked out and rightfully so. You don’t know what this person wants. You don’t trust their intentions and as a result, you’re completely tense and unable to relax and be yourself. This happens in a less obvious way in all of our relationships. If people get closer to us than we’re ready for, we tend to get scared and tense. So now we’re in fight or flight mode and so we’re unable to really get to know this other person or be our authentic self. Make sense?

We all have different levels of trust with those around us. If you’re watching this video, chances are you (or your partner) has trust issues that you’re looking to overcome so that you can become closer, share your life, and rely on each other moving forward.

You can identify trust issues by seeing how strongly you identify with the following statements:

Nothing ever works out how I want it to.
I’m suspicious of what people tell me and often find that I need to look it up to be sure
I keep people in my life at a distance
I’m always afraid that my friends don’t really like me
I hate surprises, I want to know exactly what’s going to happen.
I’m very particular. I need things to be a certain way
I’m always afraid that my partner has secrets that I don’t know about

Does any of this ring true for you? Then chances are you may have trust issues.

Often trust issues stem from a traumatic event in our past. It can be as simple as having a parent that wasn’t around, being cheated on by a romantic partner or it can be more complex and hard to pin down. Whatever happened, your trust was broken and it taught you that trusting other people will only cause you pain, disappointment, and embarrassment.

So how can you address your trust issues so that you can really open up to your partner and get closer

1. acknowledge your issues and your desire to overcome them.

If they’re particularly bad, I’d recommend bringing it up to your partner so that they know what you’re going through, but if you’re not able to, even making the commitment to yourself to work on this can be beneficial to your progress. Write it down somewhere, tell someone if you’re able, and then take tangible steps forward.

2. Share experiences

If you’re looking to build trust with another person then sharing experiences together is a great way to do that. The ultimate is travelling together, as that will test your relationship more than anything else, but even just taking a class together. Going for a hike together, or whatever shared experience you can think of will start to break down your walls and build up trust with your partner.

3. Start small

It takes one step to begin a journey. Don’t get overwhelmed with the immensity of this task. Take it one step at a time. Let your partner pick the movie you’re going to see. Let them decide where to eat or let them drive. There are plenty of ways that you’re holding on to control and the more of these you can let go, the more you can build trust with your partner.

4.Pay attention to your instincts

Notice I’m not telling you to trust your instincts in this case because it’s your instincts that are getting you into trouble. You want to pay attention to your instincts, recognize them where they come from and then decide one way or another if they’re valid or if they’re worth pushing through. For example, say your boyfriend wants to go on an overnight camping trip this weekend. You’ve never travelled together and the prospect of it thrills but also terrifies you. Write down your concerns and address them one at a time. Put a plan in place so that you can relax and have fun.
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