Saddam Hussein is in Hell - SOUTH PARK

Saddam Hussein shows up at Satan's place and wants back into his life. Priest Maxi tries to put the fear of God into the town.
"Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?" S04

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EXT. HELL - THE MARINA AT THE RIVER STYX - DAY
The river styx is a river of fire, and at this marina, there
are several nice boats and a new condo complex perched on a
bluff overlooking the entire Marina.
A banner reads 'New! River Styx Marina Condominiums! Some
Still Available!'
INT. HELL - SATAN'S CONDO - DAY
There are several cardboard boxes on the floor as Satan is
apparently moving in to his new condo.
Satan is at his display case, where he is setting up his vast
and amazing Hummel collection. Satan takes a few Hummels from
a cardboard box and places them on the shelves, humming
gayly.
SATAN
(Humming)
Satan looks at all his Hummels and then looks confused. He
shouts to the next room.
SATAN (CONT'D)
Chris?

CHRIS (O.S.)
Yeah?
We don't see Chris, yet, just hear his voice in the distance.
SATAN
Did you, uh, see my 'Boy With an
umbrella' Hummell?
CHRIS
Uh... No, but there's still some boxes
coming from the movers.
SATAN
Oh, okay, thanks.
Just then, the doorbell rings.
SATAN (CONT'D)
Oh, that must be them now.
Satan happily walks over to the front door and opens.
SATAN (CONT'D)
Just put the boxes by the-
But Satan stops when he sees, to his great surprise, that the
person at the door is Saddam Hussein, holding two suitcases.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
HELLO, SATAN!!!!
Satan is speechless for several seconds.
SATAN
Saddam...
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Did you miss me, buttercup?
SATAN
No, it can't be... You're dead. I KILLED
you.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Yeah you killed me! So?! Where was I
gonna go, Detroit!?
Satan thinks about this.

SATAN
Oh no... Oh God, no...
INT. CHURCH - MORNING
Everyone is as we've left them at the church as the priest
finishes his sermon.
PRIEST
A place of everlasting agony and pain!!
Hell awaits all sinners and all who do
not except Christ!!
The boys are still wide eyed and panicked.
PRIEST (CONT'D)
Children in this town have not been
attending Sunday School after mass. And
adults have not been coming to
confession. If this does not change... I
PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL ALL BE GOING TO THE
BLACK PIT OF SATAN'S WORLD!!!
Everyone looks really scared.
PRIEST (CONT'D)
(Slamming his bible shut)
That is all. Peace be with you.
The boys are absolutely horrified as everyone gets up to
leave.
STAN'S FATHER
Well, THAT was quite an uplifting
sermon...
STAN'S MOTHER
Yeah.
STAN
Mom, we're staying for Sunday school!!
STAN'S MOTHER
What?!
STAN
We have to go to Sunday School so we
don't burn!

CARTMAN
Yeah! I'll see ya later, mom!!
The boys run past their parents.
STAN'S FATHER
Oh now look at that! They're scared to
death!!
The Priest appears.
PRIEST
Hell is a very real place, Mr. and Mrs.
Marsh! I'm trying to save their souls and
the souls of everyone in this town from
that wretched lake of fire!!
EXT. HELL - THE MARINA AT THE RIVER STYX
Establishing.
INT. SATAN'S CONDO - HELL
Saddam is still at the door.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Come on guy, just let me in so we can
talk.
SATAN
I don't WANT to talk to you, Saddam! This
isn't what I need in my life right now!
Behind Satan, in the distance, we see Chris walk out of his
room.
CHRIS
Is that the movers, Satan?
SATAN
Uh, yeah! Yeah, it's just the movers.
CHRIS
Oh, well, tell them I'm leaving their
check on the counter.
SATAN
Okay Chris.
Chris tries to sneak a peak past Satan, but can't so he goes

back to the bedroom.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Satan... Look... I know that our
relationship wasn't perfect. Okay? I KNOW
that. I was too busy trying to take over
the world to give you what you needed.
But I've CHANGED, Satan.
SATAN
Oh like I haven't heard that before.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Come on, can't we just go out for a
burrito? Me gusto burrito mucho.
SATAN
I can't, Saddam. I'm with Chris now.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Who?! Screw him! He can't pound your ass
like I can!!
SATAN
GOODBYE, SADDAM!!
SADDAM HUSSEIN
Wait, wait, I'm sorry... But Satan, you
can't deny what's between us. You can
try, but you know we belong together.
SATAN
My life is GOOD now Saddam. Chris treats
me well. You and I are through. Goodbye.
Satan closes the door, the rests his back on it and lets out
a deep sigh.
SATAN (CONT'D)
(Sighs)
Satan heads back to the kitchen, passing a window on his way.
Saddam is outside the window.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
(Through the glass)
Hey come on guy! Give me a break!
Satan pulls the shade down.

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