Relationship Skills: Recognizing How the Past Impacts the Present

Relationship Skills: Recognizing How the Past Impacts the Present with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes explores relationship traps that keep us repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.

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Objectives
 Identify signs of relationship insecurities
 Explore how past relationships impact present relationships
 Identify at least 5 interventions to address relationship insecurities

Signs of Relationship Insecurities
 Difficulty trusting your partner
 Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes or random people in the community
 Requiring frequent reassurance that you are enough
 Anxiety when separated
 Internalizing negative thoughts creating self-fulfilling prophesies
 A feeling of distance or detachment
 Reading negative into everything your partner says

Relationship Bricks

Impacts of Unhealthy Relationships
 Unhealthy Relationship Characteristics
 Chaos
 Abuse and Neglect
 Boundary Violations
 Invalidation
 Role Reversals
 Appearance is Everything
 Ineffective Communication
 Low self esteem and feeling inadequate despite best efforts to appease
 Lack of emotional boundaries
 Responsible for the other person’s happiness
 Guilt for personal happiness
 Difficulty trusting people Anxiety because the parent was unpredictable
 Hypervigilance

Relationships Inventory
 Consistency
 Attention
 Responsiveness
 Empathy and Validation
 Solution Generation

Causes of Relationship Insecurities
 Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned
 Prior learning (Unpack those bags---1 bag/person/session)
 Low self-esteem (Self-validation)
 Collage
 Best friend activity
 Values activity
 Sell yourself
 People may have difficulty developing self-esteem based on a pathological inner critic
 Poor communication
 Lack of Connection
 Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned
 Imbalance in power (She does everything… If he leaves, I will not be able to survive.)
 Address anxieties about dependency or helplessness
 Develop support systems and strategies and disaster plans
 Insecurities indicates anxiety or fear of being hurt or abandoned
 Jumping to conclusions/Personalization

 Relationship Assumptions “Family Feud”---
Recovering from Unhealthy Relationships

 Understand the grieving process
 Review messages received about dealing with losses
 Identify losses and feelings associated with the dysfunctional relationship
 Identify continuing issues stemming from the relationship

Interventions
 Address emotional vs. factual reasoning
 Grieve past losses

Interventions
 Love yourself and believe you deserve love
 Love languages know yours and your partners
 Touch
 Quality time
 Acts of service
 Words of affirmation
 Gifts

Core Principles of Relationships
 Uniqueness of the relationship from others
 Integration of beliefs, behaviors and motivations
 Relationships are about synergy
 Mutually envisioned trajectory
 Relationship goals
 Relationship activities
 Relationship pace
 Positive and negative evaluation

Core Principles of Relationships
 Shared goals and needs
 Know what a “good” relationship looks like to you and your partner and strive to exceed expectations
#relationships #interpersonalskills #support

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