Esther Perel on how parents shape the story we live in

Esther Perel looks at how the history we have with our parents shapes our future identity in relationships. “Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you make love.”
Perel uses the relationship between retired American figure skater Tonya Harding and her mother in the film I, Tonya as an example of how sometimes in a relationship our stories about this relationship don’t match. She also looks at the relationship between architect Louis Kahn and his son in the documentary My Architect to tell us about the many people she sees in her office who are all looking for their parents.

“I think that our history with our first caregivers, often our parents, is the most important history that stays with us throughout our lives.”
“Do we have the right to take away from someone the story they believe in, even if the story is false, or would it be better to let them believe in it, if that’s what they want? What is our role in what others want to believe?”
“A relationship is a story and everyone has their own version of it. In a good relationship these stories match.”

Interviewer: Janine Abbring

This clip is an edited segment from the renowned Dutch 3-hour interview program VPRO Zomergasten (Summer Residents) and part of a playlist that contains an edited version of the interview, without the movie clips, which we cannot show online due to copyrights:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzLGaX_JvmJq8ATpCMyroZpxa_g7ZTWru

VPRO Zomergasten is a staple interview program in the Netherlands, produced by the Dutch public broadcasting station VPRO. Each summer 6 renowned guests are invited to compose their ideal evening of television, filling up an entire Sunday evening, consisting of a 3-hour live in-depth studio interview prompted by their selection of cinema and television clips or any other form of moving images, which run like a thread through the entire interview.

Esther Perel was a guest in the summer of 2018. She selected clips from the following movies, television history, documentary films and interviews: I, Tonya; Salvador Minuchin; My Architect; Before Midnight; The {The And}; Bill Clinton; Elisabeth Badinter; Shoah; Mr. Gaga; A Walk on the Moon; Away from Her; Newness; Call Me by Your Name.

Видео Esther Perel on how parents shape the story we live in канала vpro extra