How To Not Appear Desperate Around Men

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Can’t get a guy because you seem desperate. Can’t stop seeming desperate because you can’t get a guy. Sound familiar?

1. You text too much

This is similar to number one. If you’re texting him all the time, If you’re sending messages like “good morning, good night, how was your weekend, how was your day” then you’re going to come off as desperate. Desperate daters will text when they have nothing to say, just to get that validation that the other person still likes them.

2. You’re Clingy

If you’re trying to figure out where he is all the time, who he’s with, and what he’s up to, then you’re going to seem clingy and therefore desperate. It’s good to be interested in what he’s doing but phrases like “text me when you get home”, “where have you been?”, and “hey stranger” should be cut from your vocabulary. Desperate people need to know everything; confident people just want to listen and connect.

3. You have low standards

If you’ll let him get away with murder, then he’s not going to value you. Guys will test your boundaries early on so don’t let him get away with asking for nudes at midnight, being overly flirty, or being an hour late for a date.

1.) Don’t be too available

If you’re trying to make plans and he isn’t available one day, don’t say you can do it any other time, any day of the week, rain or shine. You need to strike a balance between easy-going and just plain lonely

2.) Don’t rush

It’s not a race. If your goal is to find someone to be with for the long term, what’s the rush? Relationships build over time so don’t go into the second date expecting to spend the weekend together and then get upset when he wants to call it a night.

3.) Keep high standards

You may think that giving him what he asks for is a great way to get close to him. It’s actually better to hold him to a high standard. The right guy will see this as you valuing yourself and your time and he’ll work harder to impress you.

4.) Don’t seek validation

Fishing for compliments, talking bad about yourself or being self-deprecating are huge signs of low self esteem and desperation. You need to give him the feeling that, while you like him and want him, you don’t need his approval to feel whole. This is so important because if he thinks that you’re insecure and constantly need reassurance, then you’re not confident and you seem less valuable.

5.) Don’t cyber stalk

Okay this one comes with a caveat. Feel free to google them, check them out on instagram, or facebook, whatever. It’s good to know what you’re getting into. The thing you’re trying to avoid is them knowing about it. So don’t bring up the time their photo was in the local paper if you want to seem chill, confident, and not desperate.

6.) Be chill on social media

Keep the drama and attention-seeking off of social media. This includes posting too many selfies (especially barely clothed), no posts about “cutting toxic people out of your life”, and dial it back on the instagram stories. Social media can be a great way to get noticed but make sure that what he’s noticing isn’t how desperate you are.

7.) Understand that it’s not a competition

If he spends four nights a week with his friends and one night a week with you, is that fair? This depends on your mindset. Early on in a relationship, spending too much time together is a bad move. As things progress, it becomes more complex. I’d advise you not to focus on how much time he spends with other people rather than you. Instead, ask yourself, “Are my needs being met?” If they are, then there’s no reason to be upset. If they’re not, look for ways to fulfill them outside of your relationship. If he’s simply not there for you, this is a different issue and one you’ll have to face going forward.

8.) Value yourself above a relationship

This is my number one tip and it’s really tough. Many women report feeling less than whole without a relationship. If this sounds like you, I recommend working on yourself before dating. It’s important to find out what makes you special, what makes you happy and how to be the best version of yourself before settling down. You don’t need to be perfect but you should try to get on a path towards feeling comfortable in your own skin. Otherwise, you’ll bring that bad energy into your relationship. In the end, being desperate stems from lacking confidence that you’re a valuable person deserving of a great partner. If you can feel better about yourself, the world will too.
*** More from Amy North: ***
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Видео How To Not Appear Desperate Around Men канала Amy North