"Clarkson & His Appalling Spectacular Dream Quote" - Marsh Family parody of Lloyd Webber's "Joseph"

We resisted it before Christmas, but since this whole story is circulating again, we've bitten the bullet and done a little skit parodying a recent furore in UK media, around an inflammatory newspaper column written for The Sun by British commentator and provocateur Jeremy Clarkson (who once hosted a car show called Top Gear but lately has hosted other programmes, and become a farmer). You can find the full details about him and his comments here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-64288418.

Since the whole original Clarkson piece was based around a dream, we've chosen of course the iconic "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" by Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Sir Tim Rice. The musical, still going strong, is based on the (quite dislikeable) character of Joseph from the Book of Genesis, and was the first of their incredible list of collaborations to be performed.

Overambitiously, we've given a twist to three songs: the Prologue, Any Dream Will Do, and Joseph's Dream (all first performed in 1968), and we decided to try to do it all in one take, as we have a new audio interface that can process six XLR mics, thanks to the generosity of our Patreons!

For the more opaque references: Meghan Markle is an American woman married to this chap called Prince Harry from Britain. Game of Thrones is a TV series that had an infamous scene modelled on a ritualised medieval humiliation. Andrew Tate is a misogynist. Nicola Sturgeon is the First Minister of Scotland, and Rose West a notorious serial killer - both of whom Clarkson referenced in his (now retracted) column. Avian flu's something that Clarkson's written about in the past.

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Lyrics:

PARODY PROLOGUE

Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do
Before their time on this planet is through
Some just don’t recount reveries
They hide from sight all their weird fantasies

Now we don't say who is wrong, who is right
But if by chance you are dreaming one night
And all you dream is abusive and cruel
It’s probably best not to publish, you tool

We all dream a lot - some are hateful, some are not
But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it's real
You are what you feel
But all that we say can be told another way
In the hubris of a farmer who was rude
Hope we don’t get sued!

PARODY ANY DREAM WILL DO

“I closed my eyes, NICOLA STURGEON
That odious person popped into view
I thought “I hate” some women deeply
But who completely? Any dream will do"

“I made some notes, about my feelings
They’d be appealing, to old men I knew”
He chose Rose West, for his painstaking
Excoriating. Any dream would do

“Perhaps THE SUN will let me write
A column full of dynamite
The hours faded into darkness
I watched Game of Thrones”

Maybe he’d wake up in the morning
The light of dawn bringing a better mood
He’d look and find much woman hating
Lots of Andrew Tate-ing
And he’d start anew

But not Clarkson, who loves a fight
"The filth I wrote I sent that night”
The edit process pretty feckless
No one changed the tone!

Maybe he’ll learn one day that printing
Everything he’s thinking, isn’t such a coup
The Top Gear guy who loves berating
Now finds his ratings
Bad as Avian Flu

PARODY JOSEPH'S DREAMS

Clarkson’s prose was always vulgar
But what makes us mad
Are the things that Clarkson tells us of the
Dreams he claims he had

“I dreamed that in the streets one day, paraded and maligned
Walked a naked woman, wedded to the royal line”
His dream lacked creativity - it came from Game of Thrones
He hoped to make some headlines with his boorish overtones

This is not the kind of thing
The public likes to hear
It seems to us that Clarkson and his
Dreams should disappear

“I dreamed if I apologised, THE SUN might let it lie”
Bowing like a peasant - he would wring his hands and sigh
“Could it be that I was wrong to say the things I write?
Attention seeking’s difficult - it needs a shower of shite

The dreams of Clarkson’s column aren't
The wrecking ball he thought
It’s not as if we’ve all been starved
Of royal new reports

Not only is he tactless but
He's also rather dim
For ITV and Amazon
Will soon get rid of him

The dreams, of course, were never true
That is, we think were never true
That is, we hope were never true
What if they normalise wrongs?
What if they string folk along?

The column’s verbal diarrhoea
The tone despicable
But rather let the bigot shout
Than censoring us all

In fact you can find other dreams
(When tabloids stoop too low)
But one thing we are sure about: the dreamer ought to know!

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