How to Persuade Someone to do What You Want - Using ONLY This Simple Technique

It's no secret that people don't like to be told what to do, and I'm as guilty of

this as anybody. I know that for me, the more someone tells me that I cannot have

fast food,

I only want to have fast food all the more. Right? If someone tells me that I

can't do something,

what I want to do? Exactly that thing. I think that's a fairly common experience.

In psychology,

this idea is called "reactance," which means that people don't like to feel

like their freedom of choice is being threatened.

If I feel like you're making me do something--you're trying to control me--

I react really poorly to it. And a lot of times what happens is that people go

ahead and do the opposite.

They'll do something that completely counters the thing that they feel like

they're being made to do. This is a problem for persuaders because what is

persuasion and influence but trying to get people to do the things you want

them to do? So you need to be careful and know that people aren't going to be

super open to the fact that you want to guide their behaviors and opinions.

So what do we do? How do we counter reactance?

Well there's a very cool principle in psychology called "But You Are Free" -- or at

least that's what I call the principle.

The idea is that you want to assure people that you're not trying to

threaten their freedom to choose and they completely have freedom of choice

in this instance. And then ask them to do something for you.

Basically, the idea is: reassure people that you're not trying to control them,

and they become more influenced by what it is that you have to say.

Consider a study that was conducted in France a few years ago.

Their goal was to get people to take a simple survey, and they just go up to

people and say, "Hey, we're doing a survey around town. We're looking for people to

help us out and complete this 5 - 8 minute questionnaire.

Would you please do that for us? And the question is: how many times do people say

"Yes, I'll take your survey for you"?

Well, when they went in cold and they just asked like that,

it turns out that about 75% of people did say "yes."

After all, it's only a 5 - 8 minute survey. People are happy to do

something like that. But in some instances, they added the "But You Are

Free" tactic and opened up their request by saying, "Hello."

"We have something to ask of you, but you are of course free to accept or refuse."

And then they asked them to take the survey.

Well in this case, compliance rates shot up to 90%.

Even though 75% was a pretty good figure, adding just this one

little sentence made people more likely to say "yes" to the thing that they were

asking them to do. And all it took was telling people that they were free to

say "no," and ironically, that made them more likely to say "yes." In 2013, a meta-

analysis was conducted, which just means they took a whole bunch of different

studies and lumped them all together to see if they were reliable across

multiple studies. And they found that across 42 different studies, the "But You

Are Free" technique is a reliable and effective strategy. They did find that it

was more influential when in person -- if you're talking to someone in person and

using the"But You Are Free" technique. It's less effective over email.

But overall, this is an effective strategy because it reminds people that

they're free to say "no."

It assures them that they continue to have autonomy. They can say "yes," they can

say "no"...

ultimately it's their choice. And it's so strange to me that reminding people that

they can say "no"

makes them more likely to say "yes." So the next time you have a favor to ask, simply

add these simple words: "but you are free to say 'no,'" and you might find that people

become more likely to say "yes."
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