double binds | narcissistic ‘no-win’ mind games [cc]

Some thoughts on narcissists’ ‘no-win’ double bind abuse — including examples, reflections on the pathological thinking behind them and approaches to dealing with them.
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opening quote:
Before the law sits a gatekeeper. To this gatekeeper comes a man who asks to gain entry to the law. But the gatekeeper says he cannot grant him entry at the moment. The man asks if he will be allowed to come in later. ‘It is possible,’ says the gatekeeper, ‘but not now.’
The gatekeeper gives him a stool and allows him to sit down at the side of the gate. There he sits for days and years.
—Before the Law, Franz Kafka
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0:35 stepping into Escher — experiencing the narcissist
2:42 definition — what makes a no-win situation a double bind
4:58 patron poll — results of a straw poll about double bind experiences
6:24 examples — from literature, history and my personal life
17:13 dealing — different approaches to tackling the trap
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My thanks to the kind person who contributed the English subtitles.
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references:
Hollywood on Trial (1976) Dir. David Helpern
Bateson, G., Jackson, D.D., Haley, J. and Weakland, J. (1956) Toward a Theory of Schizophrenia. Behavioural Science 1(4), pp.251-254.
Brimner, L.D. (2018) Blacklisted! Hollywood, the Cold War, and the First Amendment. Calkins Creek Books
Graves, R. (1934) I Claudius. Arthur Baker, London
Kafka, F. (1915) Before the Law. In Selbstwehr [Independent Jewish Weekly]. The parable is also contained in Kafka’s novel The Trial, published posthumously in 1925
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FAQ
There've been some repeatedly expressed criticism on the McCarthy section:
1) McCarthy wasn't involved with the Hollywood Ten — he came afterwards.
Answer: Yes — and the video didn't say he was involved in that hearing. It was carefully worded. Anyone familiar with McCarthyism knows that McCarthyism was a term applied retrospectively to the particular style of persecution seen in the red scares, even before McCarthy's involvement. The video noted that it was J Parnell Thomas who presided over the Hollywood Ten hearing.
2) But the Hollywood Ten were communists.
Answer: First, that's wrong — for example Edward Dmytryk had briefly been a member of the Communist Party years before the hearing but had long since distanced himself. He refused to answer during the hearing purely on the principles of preserving constitutional freedoms — not any loyalty to communism. Second, this is all a red herring anyway. They could all have been card-carrying communists and the point would still stand: they were not charged with any crime in their summons. If they had been, it would've been a completely different matter. They were convicted for exercising their rights in an environment deliberately designed to force them to out themselves on their beliefs in order to stigmatise them. It was a contemptible abuse of the law. And if McCarthyist supporters ever find themselves in a similar situation, illegally coerced to stigmatise themselves, they might appreciate the point — and why I and others condemn this form of persecution, whoever it's aimed at.

'Disorientated' isn't a word.
Answer. er ... in fact, yes it is a word. You might prefer to use 'disoriented' — if so go ahead. And I'll use the legitimate word I prefer. For those folks who think it's even the tiniest bit productive to try dictating people's language according to their own preferences, I invite you to stop and think before writing. Consider how you would respond to someone trying to dictate your word usage, when you're using an entirely valid word — just one that some folks happen, by personal quirk, not to like. Is it worth that attempt to dictate, or could this be a positive opportunity instead to quietly acknowledge within yourself that other preferences than yours are fine? You decide. Just know that I will be continuing to exercise my own preferences.
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