INTP memes I saved on my phone to enjoy year 2021 | Part 13

Should INTPs Even Bother with Relationships?

Because of their Fe inferior, the INTP can enjoy being around people. Even if not directly engaging with them, they can feel enlivened by the background presence of others (assuming they are not perceived as obnoxious or intrusive). However, because of their dominant function’s penchant for inner control and autonomy (Ti), INTPs can be leery of making Fe commitments, which carry the potential to shackle their independence.

The fact that INTPs can enjoy working independently for long periods of time may also discourage them from complicating their lives with relationships. Despite this relative independence, there invariably comes a time when their inferior function (Fe) beckons them to be around people. This may involve feelings of emptiness or loneliness, alerting them to the fact that their independent projects may, in and of themselves, be insufficient for achieving the deeper sense of wholeness and contentment they desire. This tug-of-war between their Ti and Fe is a central and recurrent dilemma for INTPs. At some level, INTPs feel like they need people and want an intimate relationship, while on another, they are afraid of losing themselves and their cherished freedom if they commit.
In many cases, INTPs’ fears are justified. Most partners are reluctant to grant them the degree of freedom and autonomy they desire, leading them to try to control the INTP. This of course, prompts the INTP to rebel, which causes the relationship to take a turn for the worse. But because Fe is a legitimate part of INTPs’ functional stack, we should not be too quick to dismiss the potential value of intimate relationships for INTPs. As the final function in their stack, understanding and integrating their Fe is critical to their self-actualization. With that said, sustainable and satisfying romantic relationships can be hard to come by for INTPs, requiring that both they and their partners bring significant wisdom and maturity to the relationship. For this reason, among others, most INTPs are better off abstaining from any long-term commitments until later in their development.
Challenges in INTP Dating & Relationships

As I discuss at length in my eBook, The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships & the Quest for Truth and Meaning, because Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is their inferior function, many of INTPs’ greatest challenges will directly involve their relationships. As I discuss elsewhere, it is common for all types to use various crutches to appease or placate their inferior function. INTPs may crutch their Fe, including their fear of being alone or unloved, by persisting in mediocre or codependent relationships. Since INTPs are prone to doubting whether true love exists, many continue in tepid relationships, feeling themselves without the strength or courage to leave and start over. So instead of leaving or working on the relationship, they focus their attention on their Ti pursuits, allowing the relationship to function as a mere background crutch for their Fe.

Because of the inferior position of their Fe, INTPs also run the risk of devaluing their partners and relationships. When in Ti mode, their Fe feelings can recede far into the background of their consciousness. This can allow doubts about the relationship to emerge, such as thinking they are self-sufficient and unneeding of the relationship.

INTPs are also prone to compartmentalizing their work (T) and relationships (F). They may formulate inner Ti “rules,” which may or may not be communicated to their partner, about how much time should be devoted to each. In many cases, their work is granted greater priority, leading them to neglect their relationships if their work quota has not been met.

Since they themselves are inner rule-makers, INTPs are prone to assuming that their partners harbor certain expectations of them (i.e., “Husbands and fathers are supposed to…”). Moreover, because INTPs’ inferior desires to maintain external harmony and avoid hurting their partner’s feelings, they may fail to adequately question their partner to see if such suspicions are valid. When INTPs fail to voice their relational concerns, they may inwardly, even if unwittingly, begin to wall themselves off or inwardly rebel against their partners. Rather than expressing themselves directly, they may turn to passive-aggressive forms of expression. So unless INTPs are careful to ensure open and honest communication in their relationships, they can end up crippling themselves and their relationships through their own assumptions and imaginings about their partners.

-- https://personalityjunkie.com/intp-relationships-love-mating/
k
bye
Happy New Year by the way.

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