Kirby's Dream Land

Dream Land? More like nightmare land. The aforementioned kingdom is suffering a famine, that would make North Korea blush, after an evil penguin named King Dedede pilfered the land's entire food supply. What is he planning to do with so much grub? Feed Boogie2988 a quick snack perhaps? Thankfully for the denizens of Dream Land a hero has emerged. One who has the manliest name ever. That hero is... Kirby. Lacking the mimic powers, found in later sequels, Kirby must save the day relying solely on his ability to suck. Isn't sucking a lame power to have? Some would say that sucking sucks. Nah. There is nothing wrong with sucking. My favorite Japanese adult actresses suck a lot. Kimochi!

Kirby's Dream Land, a game developed by a guy named Hal, spans across five levels. Five very short levels. The stages that make up Kirby's Dream Land are shorter than Warwick Davis. It's possible to complete the entire game in around forty minutes. Not great value for money perhaps, but it's a fun ride whilst it lasts. Quality over quantity. Besides, you couldn't exactly cram much into a nineties Gameboy cartridge. Many games had to be completed in one sitting, as saving wasn't a feature present in most titles. At best you would have to resort to using passwords to bypass previously cleared content. No thanks. I hate writing down passwords. At work the tech team despise me, as I keep asking them to reset the Windows login password I frequently forget.

Aside from being a short game, Kirby's Dream Land is extremely easy to beat. Easier to beat than me beating my meat to Asian porn. Why is a female voice making reference to male masturbation? Hey bigot, don't assume my gender! Anyways, Kirby's lack of difficulty stems from the fact that he can fly. Flight makes any platform game a doddle. Why worry about pitfalls and spikes when Kirby can just float across obstacles? The game's enemies are also easy to dispatch. Kirby can inhale and spit out enemies, turning them into projectiles that can blast foes from afar. If spitting isn't your thing, Kirby can instead swallow an enemy whole. Who doesn't like a bit of Vore?

My rating for Kirby's Dream Land is a five out of five. I love the adorable graphics, upbeat tunes and the gameplay coded by the legendary Satoru Iwata. God bless his soul. I remember back in the day, some of the magazines I read gave Kirby's Dream Land a low score. They bashed the game for being too short and too easy. That makes no sense to me, as they gave Super Mario Land top marks. That game didn't take too long to complete either. A terrible take from those journalists. I now don't feel bad that print media is dead. For those who want a challenge, press Up, A and Select on the title screen. That unlocks hard mode. Have you beaten Dark Souls with a Guitar Hero controller? Ha, you amateur. I have bested Kirby on Hard Mode! Kneel down and worship my superior gaming skills!

Видео Kirby's Dream Land канала Barbaryotaku