Kung Fu NES Review

My favorite seventies TV show of all time has to be Wonder Woman. On a totally unrelated note, today I spent the day playing Kung Fu on the Nintendo Entertainment System. In this game, players control a martial artist named Thomas. Like a runaway tank engine, Thomas plows his way through five action-packed levels. Using his judo skills, Thomas must fend off endless waves of affectionate enemies who are trying to hug him. Watch out for the knife throwers! I used to be a karate master until I took a dagger to the knee.

Level two is arguably the toughest stage in the entire game. The temple's second floor is guarded by pesky reptilians, including dragons and snakes. Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes. Oh, the things I must do to rescue Sylvia from the clutches of Mister X. Hey! Thomas, you bondage-loving weirdo, stop jogging on the spot and untie her already! Oh well, on to level three. Beware of the CGI midgets. Flesh-and-blood dwarves were not hired by Mister X, as he does not wish to incur the wrath of Peter Dinklage.

The fourth stage had me yearning for an exterminator, as the floor is infested with moths who seek the forbidden lamp. Seek not the lamp, brother! Heed not its light! As foretold in the Moth Man Prophecies, I eventually reach the fifth and final floor. In this level everyone was kung fu fighting. Their feet were as fast as lightning. Professor X eventually shows up. I break his kneecaps, confining him to a wheelchair. Vanquishing him was easy. Show no mercy and sweep the leg.

Thomas and Sylvia are reunited, but their happiness does not last long. The divorce rate is high, so I expect Thomas will be paying child support in the not too distant future. Thank you for watching. If you enjoyed the video, please refrain from subscribing, as I wish to evade the algorithm's deadly gaze.

Видео Kung Fu NES Review канала Barbaryotaku