Nene gives Duolingo an English Lesson it won’t soon forget [hololive/engsub]

Momosuzu Nene learns the English language.

Original Stream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWeu_kf2L94

Nene's Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAWSyEs_Io8MtpY3m-zqILA
I still remember my freshman year at Asacoco Daigaku.

I was repping the orange and gold, my Nikes were fresh out of the sweatshop, my backpack full of school supplies. I'm talking protractor, retractor, abacus, discus, forceps, jaws of life, a stylus, a quill pen, and a fresh pair of underwear.

I was studying engineering, and that, of course, gave me justification to look down my nose at any filthy arts major I laid eyes upon. And there were a lot of them. They walked around in droves like plagues of locusts, wearing thick-framed glasses and bandying about fancy words like ‘irony’, ‘poetry’, and ‘Starbucks'.

Imagine my disgust when I had to take a first-year literature class to complete my degree.

I had my head tilted so far back as a show of superiority that I was practically staring at the ceiling. I could barely see where I was going and the last thing I wanted was to accidentally bump into one of these vermin so I started saying, “S.T.E.M major coming through! Swerve, arts peasants!”

Luckily, I found an empty seat, and for some reason, no one sat next to or near me. Here’s an unrelated little factoid: did you know that if you look up ‘antiperspirant’ in a thesaurus you’ll see it means the same thing as ‘just a suggestion’? It’s true.

Anyway, I pulled out my abacus and started flicking the rings around as loud as I could while muttering sums loud enough so that everyone in the class could hear me.

“Hmm, so if I make 400k a year, any job I want… Hmm, yes, and imagine if I were an arts major… McDonald's pays 11 dollars an hour so… Hmm, yes, 69 years it’ll take to pay for my useless degree… Hmm, yep, it all adds up.”

That’s when the prof walked into the room.

She was stunning. Pinkish blonde hair trailed behind her like silken streamers. Floating sakura petals materialized in her peach-scented wake. She bounced on her toes with peppy gusto and slammed a few books down on the lectern. They read: “The Old Mio and the Sea”, “Blades of Kusa”, “Fubuki’s Wake”, and “Don Korone”.

“Minna!!!!!” she said. “Welcome to English for Bakas 101!!! I am Professor Momosuzu, 5th generation tenure track, English department representative!!!”

“English for what?” I asked aloud.

“Ah, I see you’re in the right class,” she said, looking at me and smiling smugly. “Tell me, baka-san, to which literary tradition does Robert Browning’s poem, “My Last Duchess” belong?”

“Uh, the poetry tradition?” I answered.

Prof Momosuzu laughed and shook her head in a pitying manner. “My, my you are dumb. The answer is obviously ‘ekphrasis’. Can you at least read?”

‘Of course I can read! I’m an engineering major!”

“Okay, then would you please read this poem,” she said, slipping me a photocopied hand-out.

I cleared my throat and started to read aloud.

“The Pepeloni, a Shakespearean sonnet by V.T. Anonymous

The Pepeloni, ah, the Pepelone
Dost thou perceive the thing of which I speak?
The Pepeloni where there is not one
That I obtain from Dominos boutique

Of Pepeloni I am rather fond,
I evermore request the pan of cheese
Can words express the heart of a gourmand?
Perhaps a drawing will do more than these

Behold: The pan of cheese contains an ear,
And in that ear is cheese in greater share,
And pepeloni on the surface, here,
Which Dominos hath placed with such great care.

I pluck it with impunity. Away!
Because I shall consume it not this day.”

A single tear rolled down my nose and splattered on the handout. Prof Momosuzu came over and patted me on the head.

“I’m sure now you understand.”

I changed my major the very next day to English.
PERSONAL PROMOTION DO NOT READ

If you liked the nonsense above, check out the comedic, fantasy light novel I’m writing at: https://ko-fi.com/mapleleafpublications/posts
Or don’t. You’re wonderful either way :)

Видео Nene gives Duolingo an English Lesson it won’t soon forget [hololive/engsub] канала Maple Leaf Translations