10 Helpful Tips for Atheist / Religious Couples

10 Helpful Tips for Atheist / Religious Couples

Hemant Mehta (http://www.friendlyatheist.com, http://www.patreon.com/Hemant)

"In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families" by Dale McGowan
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0814433723/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0814433723&linkCode=as2&tag=wwwfriendlyat-20&linkId=EG4RHPHG646JKQ4H
ISBN-10: 0814433723
ISBN-13: 978-0814433720

Let's talk about 10 ways you can make those relationships last.

1) Don't try to convert your partner. Encourage his or her autonomy.

Go ahead: Discuss and debate your beliefs. But you have to respect your partner's decision even if it doesn't align with your own. Even if you think they're wrong.

2) Talk about your differences of belief as early in the relationship as possible.

Maybe not on the first date. But not too long after, you should talk about what you both believe. And don't believe. And how you might want to raise children. And how you react to issues that intersect with religion like gay marriage and abortion rights.

3) Work out agreements about shared practices like church-going and parenting.

If you're an atheist, are you going to be okay if your partner celebrates Christmas and Easter? If you're religious, are you going to be okay going to church alone? Are there dealbreakers? Figure that out.

4) Focus on your shared values

Even if you disagree about life after death and how the universe came to be, odds are you overlap when it comes to how to live your life. Those values come into play every day. On the other hand, existential questions are interesting... but they probably don't affect you in your day-to-day life. So focus on where you both overlap.

5) Make sure personal respect is non-negotiable.

Sure, your partner's ideas and beliefs have to earn respect, but your partner deserves it.

6) Engage in and learn about each other's worldviews

Just because you disagree, don't just ignore your partner's beliefs. Make sure you know and understand exactly what they are. It's not just about respect. It's a way to learn more about the person you're spending the rest of your life with.

7) Remember that the opinions of believers don't necessarily match up with the views of their church. Similarly, the opinions of non-believers don't always align with that of prominent atheists.

You can be a Christian and support marriage equality and think the Bible isn't meant to be taken literally. You can be an atheist who thinks faith is a force for good in the world. Don't assume someone's pastor always speaks for them.

8) Raise children with the freedom to choose their own religious identities. Expose them to different beliefs and traditions.

This isn't confusing. Far from it. Show your kids what each of you believe and allow them the freedom to explore those beliefs -- and others -- as they grow up. Eventually, they're going to have to decide for themselves anyway. Let them know you'll love them no matter what they choose. So many of us grew up with parents who were disappointed with our decision to leave their faith. Wouldn't it be great if you knew they accepted you no matter what?

9) Support and protect each other from any disrespect from people who share your worldview, especially extended family members.

Maybe you respect your partner's views, but that doesn't mean your parents do. And that could make for some awkward family gatherings. If that tension arises, you need to be the first person to defend your partner.

10) Spread the word!

You're you're someone in a atheist/secular relationship, you're in a unique position to dispel negative stereotypes about your partner's views. So when your pastor says atheists are immoral, correct him. Or when your atheist friends say religious people aren't intelligent, correct them.
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