How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive | Overcoming Passive-Aggression

How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive | Overcoming Passive-Aggression

Are you concerned you might be Passive-Aggressive? In this video I’ll break down how passive-aggression operates and offer some tools for how to stop being passive-aggressive. Here we go!

Video on I-Statements:
https://youtu.be/G9WyVQSPA4k

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If you're looking for a Christian Psychologist in the South Bay, Dr. Marie Fang would love to hear from you! Her areas of specialty include Post-College Anxiety and Depression, Immigrant History, Race and Ethnicity, Sexuality, and Faith Identity. Marie Fang, PsyD offers an LGBTQ safe space for her clients.

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This video is not intended as professional counseling or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional to be evaluated.

First of all, what is passive aggression? We all know it when we see it. Maybe you’ve had a roommate that put your dirty dishes on your bed when you said you would wash them days ago, or a friend making a sarcastic comment that makes you wonder if they might actually mean it. Maybe you’ve even experienced your spouse withholding physical intimacy as a way of punishing you without telling you how you’ve hurt them.

But how does passive-aggression operate? Put in it’s simplest terms, passive-aggression lives in the space between anger and silence.

When we’re passive-aggressive, in a weird way we’re seeking a sense of balance. We want to express our anger but we don’t want to seem explosive. However, we don’t want to put a lid on our anger so much that we succumb to silence. This space is the breeding ground for passive-aggression.

Lest you thought your passive-aggressive ways might not be harmful to yourself or others, let me burst your bubble for a second. First of all, when we’re passive-aggressive we both don’t fully express our anger and we feed into the shame that we feel surrounding our anger as we try to reign it in.

Those around us also often don’t understand what we’re trying to communicate in this state, but they also pick up on the tension in the room. Because of this, others react to passive-aggression feeling upset while also feeling like they can’t talk about it directly because they don’t know exactly what the issue is. This creates a breeding ground for more passive aggression, turning into a vicious cycle until someone either totally explodes or goes completely silent.

Sound familiar?

So passive-aggression is harmful for all parties.

Instead, it’s valuable to find a way to clearly communicate your anger in a healthy way. To your roommate who didn’t wash the dishes, it’s helpful to say how much those dirty dishes in the sink impact you negatively. It’s better to be clear about what upsets you as it diffuses the tension and allows an honest conversation around the issue.

I-Statements are a great tool to help you voice your anger in both a clear and calm way. I’ll link to my video on I-statements for you to learn that skill. Be kind to yourself as this may feel like learning to ride a bike for the first time - you will likely make mistakes and fall for the first several tries, but practicing will help it feel easier over time until it eventually comes as second-nature.

Hopefully you found these tips helpful to overcome passive-aggression. Until next time, I’m Dr. Marie Fang and I hope you have a great day!

Видео How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive | Overcoming Passive-Aggression канала Dr. Marie Fang