"I've Been Painting my Whole Life BUT I'M TERRIFIED OF IT."

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Transcript of Sarah's letter :

Dear Florent,

Thank you for your video - 'My Problem is that I am Afraid to Paint'. https://youtu.be/MuQmMhW_TMY

It came to me when I needed it.
I have been painting my whole life. But I am terrified of it.

I wasn't admitted to the Art School I applied for at 18 and so I studied Art History instead of painting.

I always say, I do an admin job so that I have time to paint, but I don't. I have tried everything to avoid it.
I went to night school to learn to paint, and quit after 2 years. Since then I have become a master of distraction.
I destroy I do not create.
I destroy myself before it has a chance to escape out of me and onto the page or canvas.

And finally your video allowed me to admit it.

It goes so much deeper than a fear of failure. It is a fear of being seen.

It is a fear of relationship.

It is a fear of being open.

You said in the video, you need to find your why, find your reason for painting.

I was told by my family that to be an artist is not a real career. It is a hobby. I believed them with my head, but my heart is that of a poet.

Reality for me is a strange beast. My dreams and imagination are much more real for me than the daily "reality".

And yet, I am here on this earth, in this reality. Trapped with a sense of guilt for not making more of the preciousness of life. Afraid of death and afraid of life.

Inside my head is a primal scream for a way out of that trap.

Maybe that's my why. Maybe that is its call. A cry, a scream, not a whisper.

So my question is: how do you tame something so violent onto the page?

How do you allow it to create and not destroy you?

Sarah

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About me (bio) :

I am an artist living and working in France. I learned the techniques of the Atelier of the Nineteenth century and now I try to share some of my knowledge with the rest of the world, because I think that beauty still has an important role to play in artistic creation. I do mostly drawing and oil painting, and my goal is always to provide techniques and explanations that can be useful to anyone, from beginners to more advanced artists.
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Thanks for watching !

Видео "I've Been Painting my Whole Life BUT I'M TERRIFIED OF IT." канала Florent Farges - arts