10 Things You Didn't Know About Mormons

10 Things You Didn't Know About Mormons

Hemant Mehta (http://www.friendlyatheist.com, http://www.patreon.com/Hemant , https://www.facebook.com/friendlyatheist)
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Maybe you're a former Mormon. A foreman. Maybe you've seen the South Park episode or the Book of Mormon musical. But let me share a few things you still may not know about Mormons.

Huge thanks to Jordan Miller for helping me put this together.

1. Mormons are Creationists. Sort of.

They have Temple ceremonies in which they act out the Creation story, and it features Adam and Eve, and the idea of a 6-day Creation...

However, they interpret "6 days" as 6 periods of large amounts of time. 6 "creative periods." Hell, they might have been billions of years! (https://www.lds.org/manual/doctrines-of-the-gospel-student-manual/chapter-7-the-creation?lang=eng)

That's how most Mormons think.

That said, some still believe Adam and Eve emerged from the Garden of Eden several thousand years ago. That's when normal mortal humans began living on Earth.

And I should point out that canonized Mormon scripture clearly states the Earth is just 7,000 years old (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/77.6). But practicing Mormons don't necessarily believe that.

2) Mormons believe there were 7 major prophets.

In other words, God revealed his perfect Gospel to a man at least 7 times. To Adam, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and then Joseph Smith. And since Jesus was so amazing, Joseph Smith is like super Amazing.

In fact, Smith once said he was better than Jesus because Jesus couldn't keep a church together. (https://carm.org/joseph-smith-boasted)

3) Mormons know where the Garden of Eden was. It's in Missouri.

Obviously.

And when Jesus returns, he's going to build a city there called "New Jerusalem" and it'll be his capital.

4) Mormons believe we're as old as God.

Forget the Christian idea that God is eternal and then created us a few thousand years ago. And forget the idea that humans evolved several millions of years ago.

Mormons believed we've always existed for all eternity. God was just nice enough recently to give us a physical body.

5) Mormons believe we can be Gods.

If you're a faithful servant of God and you do anything He says -- anything -- then after you die, you get to level up!

You'll be resurrected, the universe will obey you, you can create your own world, and you basically get to be a God of sorts.

But that offer only applies if you're baptized as a Mormon, tithe regularly, and don't do anything gay.

Oh. And women? This only applies to you if you're married. And since more women will get to heaven then men, it just makes sense that men can marry more than one woman.

And if you don't make it to the Celestial Kingdom, which is one of the three possible Heavens, you lose your genitals.

Only people who get into the top-level Heaven get to stay married and make spirit babies.

6) God lives near the planet Kolob.

Yeah. Kolob is the name of the star nearest to the planet God actually lives on. After all, God is just someone who leveled-up a long time ago. In a galaxy far far away.

And if you read Mormon scripture, it says that God determines time based on how quickly Kolob rotates. (https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/abr/3.4?lang=eng)

7) Mormons may have to baptize you by proxy. Just to be safe.

8) About the special underwear
9) There's a nasty racist past to the Mormon church

10) Mormons were into hardcore polygamy
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