How to React When a “Ghoster” Returns | Attract Great Guys, Jason Silver

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Unfortunately, vanishing (also known as ghosting) is so common these days. In fact, a 2018 study of 1,300 people found that about a quarter of the participants had been ghosted by a partner, while one-fifth reported that they had ghosted someone themselves.

Even though this situation is maddening, you don’t have to feel completely out of control. Because I am going to show you exactly how you should react when the guy who ghosted you seemingly arises from the dead asking you, “What's up?”

If you’re experiencing the return of a vanisher, here is what you need to do.

Adopt an Ariana Grande Mindset

Ariana Grande is a popular singer who came out with the song, “Thank U, Next” after her breakup with her fiance was publicized.

The song is all about being thankful for the time you spent with your ex and moving on from the relationship by focusing on yourself.

This is the exact kind of mentality you need to hone when it comes to a guy who ghosted you and appears back in your life out of nowhere.

This person hurt you, manipulated you, and left without an explanation.

You deserve better.

Focus on Yourself

If this guy texts you a few weeks or months after vanishing so casually like, “Hey, how are you?” - I know you might be tempted to overanalyze this.

It’s strange and confusing. WHY did he stop talking to you in the first place - only to come back?
Well, there could be several explanations. But honestly - whatever the reason is, it doesn’t matter. It might feel so frustrating, especially if it took you a while to get over this guy and his reaching out opened up healed wounds.

But I want you to stop this thought process and focus on yourself. I want you to be living such a great life and be so happy with who you are that when this guy texts you or calls you, you laugh it off and say, “Ya right” and not even teeter back and forth about responding. Delete his text message and move on with your life. Don’t let this guy hold your sanity hostage.

The Single Exception to the Rule

Now, there is a single exception to the rule here. If you’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks and he reaches out to you with a heartfelt, genuine message or phone call as to why he disappeared, you might consider responding. Let’s say he experienced a death in the family, a significant loss in some way, or had something serious happen.

His message should show he’s sincerely sorry for having not responded to you and that he wants to make it up to you. If you’ve decided you moved on and you don’t want this man in your life, feel free to not respond or send him a simple message saying, “Sorry to hear that. I’ve moved on now. I wish you the best.”

If you feel like he’s worth another chance and you really like him, let him know you’re sorry to hear about his circumstances and you’re willing to give him another shot but you want to take things slow this time. Then watch his actions.

Don’t go on another date with him and then sleep with him that night. In fact, make him wait a few weeks - even if you’ve already slept with him in the past. He’s going to have to earn back your trust. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand you want to take things slow. And if he makes a big deal about it and gets angry, he’s not the one for you. You don’t need someone angry, petty, and hurtful in your life. You want to be with a man who respects your boundaries and understands your hesitation. This is the kind of man who is worth giving a second chance.

Now that you know how to react when someone ghosts you and seemingly arises from the dead, you’ll be more empowered than ever to make a decision that best serves you. You can focus on yourself, move on from someone who hurt you, and stop thinking about men who don’t deserve your time or energy. If you decide he’s worth a second chance ONLY if he has a solid excuse and follows up with his actions, you might just find yourself with someone who turns out to be great for you.

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