Watch this when I die.

….

To whom it may concern,

It’s been a challenge writing this one. What I am seeking to describe can never be fully captured in words.

Still, is there anything more human than to wonder, to reach out, to seek to understand?

The way I see it, we begin life close to God, to the universe and to all things. Which is of course, 3 ways to say the same thing. And there are many more. The Sufi’s call it The Beloved. Jewish mystics refer to it as Ein Sof, meaning no end, no limit.

I believe there is a great connectedness to this world we find ourselves in and of, and yet, slowly, we grow up and fall fo r the idea that we’re all separate and isolated. I’ve fallen for this idea The grand illusion is that we think we’re finding our way by building up our identities, our accomplishments, our empires, but really we grow blind to what we are and where we come from.

I want to see clearly. I want to see beyond this illusion. I want to wake up. I need to remember that I’m not separate from the world around me. I can see that the things that I cling to, the things I want to own, own me. They blind me. I must surrender to all that I am terrified by. Freedom comes from letting go. That’s is. It sounds simple, because it is simple. Even so, I’m coming to realize that letting go of everything that I know about myself is perhaps the most terrifying thing I can seek to do.

Still, I find myself doing what I can to peel away the layers. Tearing off my armor, every last one of the walls must come down. It will take me a while, but eventually, I will go home. Maybe when I can see clearly, I’ll see that I am already home.

I have to remind myself that in the moments that I feel lost, I’m not actually lost, that’s just a thought. I can’t get lost if truly I am made of the same stuff as the stars above me and the dirt beneath me.

Nothing real can be lost.

I’ve come to learn that beyond every fear is a new discovery I will make about myself. I let the things that scare me be my sign posts, telling me where I must go next. What a gift, to be able to keep learning about myself.

And so I find myself in conversation with fear. It is not a conversation to be had with the mind, but with the heart. If fear is the tunnel, than my heart is the torch, the lantern, illuminating just enough for me to take my next steps.

When I am acting with my heart, I can say to fear: “Hello my dear friend, I see you. My mind tells me to hate you, to destroy but my heart tells me to be curious about you, to move towards you. I want to get to know you better because you teach me so much about me.”

Living this way is a simple recipe for a very rich life. I must say, I highly recommend it.

The heart doesn’t think, it isn’t strategic. It just experiences. All that counts is that I don’t protect my heart, because the heart is not for protecting.

So knock me down and break my heart a thousand times and give me a full serving of everything that comes with being human and I’ll thank you every single time because at least I am alive and feeling and learning. Learning to take off the armor. I am on my way back home.

Видео Watch this when I die. канала Nathaniel Drew