Smough's Addiction

Truth be told, Lord Gwyn never had much of a problem with Smough's love of eating his own execution victims. The gods had never been overly fond of humans, although they did prove useful as a half-witted source of labor and blind adoration. Perhaps it was Smough's obsession that was the problem. Or perhaps it was the fervor with which he performed his dark work. Or maybe it was because his room fucking stunk like people burgers 24/7.

The problem is best summed up in the little known story of Gwyn's application to the Knights of Gwyn LTD. An interview letter was sent requesting a followup meeting at a date of Smough's convenience. The carrier, unfortunately, could scarcely get into the room due to the floor being completely layered in emptied bags of Londo Fried People, Human King, McSapiens and another human themed food chain pun I can't be bothered to come up with right now. The stench was so overpowering that the carrier was blasted across the hallway and bounced off so many walls that he ended up in that one room with the titanite demon guy in it. I don't know why they have that room. No one would explain it, but that's not really the point. By the time the delivery man managed to get back to Smough's open door, the whole of the castle had been permeated in the stench of Smough's bedchambers, which he never cleaned because he was always playing WoW and buying fedoras online. Gwyn himself showed up just in time to tear the letter into shreds, after Gwynevere had complained about hitting her head on door frames trying to escape the castle. The delivery man was heartbroken to see the gods at odds with one another. You know, prior to being executed and fed to Smough. But before that, heartbroken. Since that day, Smough was told he would never be a knight of Gwyn until he stopped eating humans, cleaned his room and at least got a temp job. Because he was being a real douche. That's not even your room, man. We cleaned out the utility room and you're gonna pull that shit? For fuck's sake.

And so Ornstein was given the job of watching over Smough, because Ornstein was really anal retentive, and honestly people were getting tired of that shit too. No one told them when they all left Anor Londo, one Thursday night when the both of them were sleeping. Legend has it that Gwyn thought it was totally hilarious, and much chortling echoed through the night. Then on Friday he set his soul on fire. Not so funny now, huh?

Видео Smough's Addiction канала PlagueOfGripes