Sometimes, Failing To Get Your Goal, Gives You Your Destiny

Sometimes failing to get your goal, gives you your destiny
It’s always interesting to see people’s vision of the future. Almost always, it’s positive. The one thing that we can control is our vision of ourselves in the future, even though we can’t control the future itself. You hear the story of a girl who after working successfully for some years, finds her one true love, a man who sweeps her off her feet, and she lives a happy life with 3 kids in a perfect house with a nice white fence. You hear the other story of a guy who gets good grades in school, gets in to Harvard medical school, does his residency at Mass General, and works his way up through the ranks to be Chief of Medicine at his hospital. Or if you are a younger guy, that one girl you have a crush on, becomes your girlfriend. She rides shotgun in your nice shiny car after school, where you go out for dinner. On Friday nights, you go to the movies together, On hot summer afternoons when school’s out, you lie underneath a tree in the shade with her and talk about a future together, one that’s happy and where you both are youthful forever. These are, in essence, romanticized old stories, and don’t always account for reality.

What happens when life gets in the way? What happens when we tell the version of those stories embedded in reality? For example, what if the girl who meets her Mr. Perfect is not able to have kids? Or despite high grades, the guy is never able to get into medical school? What happens when your high school girlfriend goes to college across the country? Those too are common situations, but are hardly mentioned when people get asked the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” or “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” And unfortunately, these are the things that cause pain, hardship. These are the things that cause people to lose sight of the dreams they had when they were younger.

I want you to think of your life as it is today. Be honest with yourself. Typically, everyone has at least 1 thing they have going on that they are happy with. For some people it might be their career, for others maybe their relationship with the significant other, and others might be their weight. But for every person, the reason you’re happy with that area of your life is because things are going the way you saw them. Maybe even better. It’s the notion that you have things in your control, and the idea that you’re doing what you need to, to get the results you want.
The central idea behind all human actions is control, or at least, the perception of control. In English, we use the phrase “Keeping it together.” Someone who is not a native English speaker may ask, “What is ‘it’” And furthermore, why is “it” something that we should ensure is in a state of “together”? Simply said, “it” is your vision of yourself, and ensuring that it’s together implies that you have control over your your actual self. That your image of self is aligned with your ability to hold control. Or most simply, you have control over yourself. “It” also encompasses your future state, as how you see yourself is a major component of you.

When you start to lose sight of how you see yourself, things start to breakdown and people start to panic. People inherently react negatively to a loss of control.

Now, while all of these examples of control in social situations would result in embarrassment, there’s several instances where you won’t have control over the events that happen to you. One of the most crushing defeats of someone I’ve seen is when one is told they have a chronic disease. A disease that will stay with them for the rest of their life, or for example a diagnosis of cancer. In my experience, when these people are formally diagnosed, their sense of self is completely shattered, that “it” is no longer being kept together. As if they are not the person they thought they were, and will never be the person they envisioned.

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