Parental Alienation Custody Trial - fighting for my kids

Healthy parents foster independence and self-reliance in their children. But alienating parents foster dependency and vulnerability in their children. Alienators need to be needed.

Healthy parents teach their children a standard of right and wrong. But alienating parents teach their children a standard of loyalty. Alienators need to be idolized.

Healthy parents teach a child that the world is full of imperfect people who sometimes make mistakes and who sometimes disappoint us. But alienating parents teach a child to see the world in black and white; people are either all-good or all-bad. And when an "all-bad" person actually makes a mistake, that mistake becomes the entirety of who they are.

In younger children alienators sow seeds of fear. In older children they sow seeds of hatred. This ensures the child's undivided love.

Alienators are masters of manipulation, and there are two main subtypes.

Alienators with narcissistic traits (mostly men) are control freaks. They see themselves as perfect and anyone who dares to oppose them as inferior. They speak with charisma and confidence.

Alienators with borderline traits (mostly women) are sympathy freaks. They see themselves as victims and anyone who dares to oppose them as abusers. They speak with passion and conviction.

Regardless of the subtype, alienators are very convincing. Most people are duped. And by most people I mean friends and family members, teachers and coaches, counselors, custody evaluators, and, of course, their own children.

The end result of all this manipulation is that the child aligns themself almost completely with the alienating parent. There are many reasons for this, and comparisons have been made to Stockholm syndrome and trauma bonding, but I believe a better analogy is that of cults. Whenever the child agrees with the alienator, or sympathizes with them, or shows devotion to them, then the alienator lavishes the child with affection and makes them feel like a million dollars. But if the child ever falters in their devotion, then the alienator responds with the opposite extreme. This carrot-and-stick approach is exactly how cult leaders are able to manipulate adults over a period of months. Now imagine a vulnerable child, who has no escape, being conditioned like this from birth.

The psychopathology underlying parental alienation has been referred to as pathological enmeshment, because the child's personality is basically subsumed by that of the alienator. It has also been called the gatekeeper phenomenon, since the alienator becomes the gatekeeper of the child's heart and mind. Whatever the alienator likes, the child reflexively likes; whatever the alienator hates, the child reflexively hates.

All of this happens long before the divorce, long before the actual alienation. And then, at the time of divorce, when the alienator feels rejected by their spouse, and the alienator fears they might lose the undivided devotion of their children, the actual alienation takes place surprisingly quickly. The gatekeeper simply closes the gate.

This is also why the mental health and legal professionals often get parental alienation cases wrong. They cannot imagine why a child would suddenly reject a normal, loving parent. What these professionals fail to recognize is that what looks like a warm, close relationship between the child and the favored parent is actually a longstanding form of psychopathology. It's essentially emotional incest.

"Just listen to my child!" the alienator cries to the court. "They'll tell you how inferior/abusive the other parent is!" But it's no longer the child who speaks.

Alienated children are exposed to almost constant manipulation. They are embroiled in almost constant drama. They grow up hating half of who they are. They are prone to a host of psychosocial problems later in life.

This is why Parental Alienation is NOT a child custody issue.

It's a child PROTECTION issue.

Видео Parental Alienation Custody Trial - fighting for my kids канала David K