normalize being you— The first ghost I buried was hesitation. Potential rots when it never risks air

normalize being you —
The first ghost I buried was hesitation.

Potential rots when it never risks air. I write songs that carry me home—unlearning who I had to be, learning how to like myself.

FVNERAL is a personal magical study of the Tarot's Major Arcana, in reverse. Each track is a "ghost"—a false self I built to survive. This work is deeply influenced by the Thoth Tarot, Crowley's writings, the clarity of Lon Milo DuQuette, and my own lived encounter with the symbols.

It's also shaped by mind-body perspectives, particularly the work of Louise Hay. Her willingness to hold anger, self-acceptance, and forgiveness in the same breath shaped how I write—especially in the bridges, affirmations, and Crow language threaded through these songs. I continue to study her work. I continue to be changed by it.

I'm molting as I write this. I expect my interpretations to change. I expect to change. These songs may mean something different to me a year from now. That's part of the ritual.

I'm not here to explain the Tarot. I'm here to name what it showed me. I'm still learning how to listen.

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Release Note

Some songs are already streaming now. The full FVNERAL album releases April 8–10—a window that quietly aligns with the original reception of The Book of the Law. That alignment came together organically while the work was already in motion. I'm holding the date lightly, honoring the momentum without forcing pace.

You can sneak peek the entire album as I write it on my website.
HESITATOR (The Fool — Reversed)

Intro
Here begins the funeral.
I am the first ghost.
Others follow me close.
Gate opens when spark begins.
Ghost forms when I agree to live.
Thou art the spark that zipped itself in.
This is Will, disguised as hesitation.
To live here, I had to forget I chose it.

Verse 1
The hush got bored and coughed—
Light spilled free. That cough is me.
Crow's first call, voice in the veil.
I am the Hesitator—I hover, I flail.

I see all paths at once. None ask nicely.
I live on maybe. Decisions cripple me.
"What if I choose wrong?"

Ghost feeds me caffeine and nostalgia.
Laugh, scroll, delay—cosmic amnesia.
Ghost says, "If you stop, regret will drown ya."
That kiss tastes like sweet delay rot desire.
Swallow tries like peppermint fire.

Ghost's not them—it's the mask I face.
Not who hurt me—it's who I became.
Ghost says, "Pause is a prayer to comfort."

Comfort never saved anyone.

Pre-Chorus
Ghost says hope is silly.
Good things don't happen to me.
Ghost says I'm stuck—no crow gets clean.

Trapped between skin and light. I see too much.
I could be anything—that's the clutch.
Every road opens—I freeze.
Feet heavy, I never leap.

Hesitator is Fool—
and the Fool is me.

Chorus
Hesitator—won't get this Fool.
Folly flicks fate with a crow's sharp claw.
Hesitator—Fool rots to Ghoul.
Folly is fire before it knows its ember.

Dive without reason—wake mid-air.
Ghost falls back—I'm not there.

Verse 2
Ghost grips the gate—gravity calls.
Safety in the stall. Fear of the fall.
Say I surrender—still check locks.
Pretending's a prayer. God's gone deaf.

Mind overcapacity. No sleep left.
Thoughts twist hyper-possibility scare.
Tried to leap once. They let go mid-air.

I hit silence.

Heard the hush—hardened the lion.
Trip on the floor where memory's gone.
Commitment issues in full bloom.
Write oaths in pencil. Promise the moon.

Ghost says I should.
If I wanted to, I could.

Dive into density.
Now is the time.
The edge is mine.

Pre-Chorus
Ghost says hope is silly.
Good things don't happen to me.
Ghost says I'm stuck—no crow gets clean.

Trapped between skin and light. I see so much.
I could be anything—that's the clutch.
Every road opens—I am free.
Feet lighter—now I leap.

Hesitator is Fool—
and Fool is me.

Chorus
Hesitator—won't get this Fool.
Folly flicks fate with a crow's sharp claw.
Hesitator—Fool rots to Ghoul.
Folly is fire before it knows its ember.

Dive without reason—wake mid-air.
Ghost falls back—I'm not there.

Bridge
I blink twice—Hesitator yields.
Walk through myth while my mirror peels.
This is not healing—this is replacement.
You don't fix the ghost. You name it. You bury it.
Speak the name—let dirt carry it.
Gate won't wait—I commit.

Chorus
Hesitator—won't get this Fool.
Folly flicks fate with a crow's sharp claw.
Hesitator—Fool rots to Ghoul.
Folly is fire before it knows its ember.

Dive without reason—wake mid-air.
Ghost falls back—I'm not there.

Outro
First ghost was the Hesitator.
The rest wait their turn.
I'm the Fool in the funeral—
walking myself in.

Crow gathers the echoes—
feathers them shut.
The gate is sealed.

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🎵 "HESITATOR" is streaming now. Sneak peek the full FVNERAL album as I write it on my website. The complete funeral arrives April 8–10.

Crows on the wire, keeping watch over you 🐦‍⬛🖤

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