how I rebuilt my life - invisible illness and healing

How I rebuilt my life after invisible illness - recovery and healing

You can read my story below these links ⬇️

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This video is a collaboration with my brother Rohan. You can find him on Instagram @ Rohan_Merrill

My Story ⬇️
When I was fourteen, I remember waking up one day feeling like someone different from myself. I wasn’t looking forward to the day (as I always was), in fact I was suddenly anxious and felt like bursting into tears at the thought of facing the world, which seemed hostile and overwhelming. Instead of my usual high energy I felt flat, listless, and immobile. I assumed I was just unusually tired and dragged myself out of bed. What I didn’t know that this was the beginning of a decade long rollercoaster of emotional highs and depressive lows on a weekly basis.

Unfortunately, due to some unaware comments from strangers, I believed it was simply a part of being female, which was an incredibly damaging mentality that made me ashamed of my identity. Sadly, my teenage self made it a mission to hide everything I felt, afraid it would upset those around me and make me seem ‘hysterical’ and not worth anyones time.
(The #1 reason I wanted to share this story is to combat the weight of shame that we may put ourselves when we are struggling with an invisible issue, and to motivate others to seek help if they need it. I also wish to share this in writing, since it can be difficult to talk about to a camera).

The years passed and I managed as best I could, thankful for a supportive family that helped me learn to cope and comforted me when I struggled. But as an adult, with the added strain of university and work, I became desperate for help. I self medicated in many unhealthy ways. This led to me become quite sick, the repercussions of which would haunt me years later.

I had many conversations regarding how I felt with doctors, but a solution was difficult to find. Then, thank goodness, I met with a female doctor with the same condition as I. She informed me that it was a textbook case of PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder).
This is a disorder that can range from mild to severe, and I was on the extreme end - having developed quite destructive behaviors trying to handle the changes in my body every month. We found a treatment that helped me feel emotionally stable for the first time in many years.

It was cathartic to experience a month without these extreme feelings, instead I was able to endure a more manageable range of emotions. But after establishing a foundation, I had to continue working on cultivating peace in my daily life. I had to learn to take the good and bad days as they came, without being overwhelmed by fear that somehow I’ll lose the progress I’ve made. Recovery brought me closer to my spirituality and the natural world. Due to my type of disorder, I found great solace in aligning myself with the cycles of nature, and removing the shame associated with the cycle of my own body. Cycles are everywhere, most visible in the seasons and phases of the moon, and becoming aware of these things brought healing.

I hope this video helps support all those who have or still are dealing with the weight of grief, melancholy, or are struggling in any way. Not all illness is visible, and I am thankful to live in world were these conversations are happening.

Learn more about PMDD: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd

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*****Featuring a beautiful waltz by artist Yoav IIan*****
License Number - 578124 License owner - Rohan B. Merrill

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Видео how I rebuilt my life - invisible illness and healing канала TheCottageFairy