How Purity Culture Has Ruined Christian Women's Sex Lives

How Purity Culture Has Ruined Christian Women’s Sex Lives

Introduction
As a former “True Love Waiter” and a newly lawfully wedded wife, I felt some type of way when I saw the HATE Chandler Moore and his wife were getting after posting a picture of sis throwing it back on their wedding day.
And it got me thinking, in what other ways has purity culture ruined Christian Women’s sex lives and what can we do about it?
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Let’s start this discussion with “what is Purity Culture?”

According to a Gospel Coalition article, “Purity culture” is the term often used for the evangelical movement that attempts to promote a biblical view of purity (1 Thess. 4:3-8) by discouraging dating and promoting virginity before marriage, often through the use of tools such as purity pledges, symbols such as purity rings, and events such as purity balls.
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/faqs-know-purity-culture/

To make a long story short, the purity movement began in the early ’90s when AIDS and teen pregnancy were on the rise and the evangelical church was scrambling to try to put something together to combat it.

Then in 1992, a youth ministry consultant at LifeWay Christian Resources named Richard Ross presented the theme of “True Love Waits” for a potential Christian sex education campaign.

Four years later, Joshua Harris published a book called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” that introduced the idea of “courtship instead of dating” which was meant to be under the direction of the girl’s father.

This idea of courtship developed the expectation that “pure” girls would be under the authority of their fathers until they were given to their husbands to then have the authority over them.

Both girls and guys were supposed to stay pure and abstain from sex but “purity” in this sense also applied to avoiding lustful thoughts. This meant that young women didn’t have to only keep themself pure, they also were responsible for making sure they weren’t contributing to the lustful thoughts of the young men.
So, here’s the thing. If you haven’t noticed it already, this movement started on a very misogynistic foundation. It basically taught young women that they were only the object of sexual desire, not the owners of it.

By teaching young women this, it creates a whole slew of issues with their sex lives moving into marriage.
I had posted an Instagram Reel about my struggle with pornography and I also did a video here on my channel. I’ll link it up in the cards if you would like to watch it.

After posting it, I got a DM from a lovely lady thanking me for being open about it because porn is so often seen as a male issue in the church. Women are suffering in silence because seeking help for a struggle with watching pornography comes with so much more judgment and shame than when a guy seeks help.

The gender scale is rarely balanced when we talk about sex or lust in church. If we indulge in sexual sin, women are seen as dirty while men are seen as lost.

And after so many years and conferences and sermons of being compared to a used piece of gum that your future husband wouldn’t want to touch because you lost your virginity, you begin to believe that is all you’re worth.

As if God can cleanse you of all other sin but sex is uncleansable. Imagine trying to have sex with your husband after years of telling yourself to stay away from it and that sex is dirty.

Don’t nobody wanna have sex when there is the whole fate of your salvation riding on it!

Now think about the effects of purity culture as it pertains to sexual assault and rape culture. If a woman is a victim of rape or sexual assault, the first question that comes to mind for some people is: “What was she wearing?” as if this really has any basis on why she was sexually assaulted.

If we are taught that the woman in that situation is only the object of sexual desire and therefore was the cause of the assault, then what responsibility does the perpetrator have over his own perversion and misconduct?
Solution
So what can we do as the church?
Spend more time teaching the grace of God instead of a list of dos and don’ts. The church shouldn’t be able to tell me what I should do with my body. But it can teach me how God sees me and allow God to lead and guide me through the Holy Spirit on what is profitable regarding sex.
Teach young people about sex before the internet does. God created sex and it is beautiful and good when it is within the container of marriage. Have real conversations that don’t only teach abstinence because young people are going out in this world uninformed and curious.
Teach the anatomy of sex for what it is as well as STDs and contraception in addition to the spiritual connection and purpose of sex within marriage.
Lastly, keep the sex conversation co-ed. If you take away the taboo of sex and sex parts, it’ll get rid of some of the intrigue and temptation.

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