With the demands of a new baby and sleep deprivation, how can I stay optimistic?

You're about to have your 1st baby! People have told you to kiss your freedom good-bye and don't expect to sleep again. To a point, it's true, but temporary. There's so many special things about having a baby. Expect and understand that it's going to be hard. We do a disservice by not talking about the difficult things. To help you be optimistic and do well, here's 5 tips. Remember to BE HaPpY (BEHPY).

B is for bonding. That gets you up at night to take care of the baby and gets you through hard times when you're worried about everything after the baby is born. You love them so intensely, but bonding doesn't always come immediately. Some moms bond with their baby when it's in the womb. Some take a while to bond and that's OK. It's important for dads to bond. For many, it doesn't happen till after the baby is born. The time you bond with the baby can be affected by delivery. Maybe there's complications and the baby and mom had to be separated or the baby doesn't look how you thought they would. Things that help you bond with your baby are taking care of them, feeding, changing, loving, holding them, doing skin-to-skin and breastfeeding. Dads can do skin-to-skin too.

E is for expectations. You'll be sleep-deprived. Tell yourself sleep is overrated. Small babies need to nurse every 2-3hrs. Their tummies are small and can't hold much, so they need to eat frequently. They grow rapidly, so they need constant nourishment. This 2-3hr timeframe is from the beginning of 1 feeding to the beginning of the next. It can take an hour to feed your baby, burp and change them, and put them back to sleep. It may seem like you're waking up every hour. Babies sleep 16hrs out of each 24hr period, just not when we want. As they get older, they go longer between feedings as their stomachs get bigger and they start to understand night and day. By 3 months, most babies sleep enough that you feel like you're sleeping through the night.

Another thing to expect is crying. It's the only way a baby communicates. You'll get to know what their cries mean - they're hungry, tired, need their diaper changed, uncomfortable, in pain, or just over-stimulated and need a break. As you get used to their cries, you'll learn how to respond to them. Expect your baby to cry 4hrs out of a 24hr period. It may not be consecutive, but 4hrs of crying a bit here and there adds up and feels like they cry a lot. Babies cry more at night. They're more fussy and want to eat more between 6pm-1am, so expect this. There's things you can do to soothe a baby, so talk to your pediatrician and nurses.

H is for hormones. Estrogen and progesterone support pregnancy. Levels decline after delivery. On days 5-14, you feel the effects. These and stress hormones cause chemical changes in your brain that affect mood. It's normal to feel teary, sad, depressed, anxious, irritable, not yourself. It's called postpartum blues. 80% of women have it in the first 6 weeks after delivery. If it becomes intense, lasts longer than 6 weeks, or affects your ability to function, talk to the doctor about postpartum depression, which affects 15% of women. It onsets in the 1st year of a baby's life. You may feel fine, but 3-6 months later, you don't want to take care of yourself, you withdraw from others, you don't like things you used to, you may resent being a mom, you may have panic attacks or be obsessive compulsive. It requires treatment. The doctor will talk to you about medication or therapy. Dads aren't immune either. 8% of dads have depression the first 3 months of a baby's life, and between 6-12 months, 10%. Be open with your feelings, help each other, work things out, and if that isn't enough, talk to the doctor.

P is for plan ahead. Pick a pediatrician, pack your hospital bag, and get things ready for the baby. You need supplies for yourself. You'll bleed for 3-6 weeks after delivery (vaginal or C-section). You can't use tampons because it increases the risk of infection, so buy the overnight-size pads that hold good volume. You also need nursing bras, nipple cream and nursing pads if you breastfeed. Have your mom or mother-in-law help cook, clean and take care of the baby.

Y is for you. The baby depends on you for their needs every day, so it's important to take time for you, maybe when they nap or between feedings. Call a babysitter, nurse the baby and then go out with your significant other. But you need to adjust to new norms. Life won't be how it was before and that's not a bad thing. Your house won't be clean, dinner won't be at 6pm, there's loads of laundry, and your decor will be replaced by bottles, binkies, burp rags and nursing pads, but you'll be enveloped in the joy that comes with a baby. The first months are precious, you want to slow down time and wish you could go back to those days. So relish them and try to be happy by having the right expectations going into it. Reach out to family and friends, and call the pediatrician or OB if you have questions.

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