March 30, 2025 - Why it’s OK to be single

Archival Recording - Sunday Gathering
March 30, 2025 - Why it’s OK to be single 
Watch the TED Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8V_SmqYTiI
More information available at: https://www.westhill.net

Why it’s OK to be single 
Featuring a TEDx Talk by Dr. Peter McGraw
“Stop Telling People to get Married” I TEDx Boulder I Jan. 2025

Meet the ‘whole-hearted’ Dr Peter McGraw
Dr. Peter McGraw is an author, a behavioural economist and professor at the University of Colorado Boulder.
In his book “Solo: Building a Remarkable Life of Your Own”, Peter brings insight to cultivating a rich remarkable life uniquely your own while cultivating fulfilling relationships as a single person.

In his TEdx Talk, he asks us to check our social norms about marriage.  He asks "Did you ever feel ‘less than’ because you weren’t in a married relationship?  Did you have an “Aunt Sally” who asked “When are you going to tie the knot?” Or “ When are you going to have children?”  
Peter speaks from his personal experience when he says “I’m not half waiting for a whole, I’m whole-hearted. I’m complete. I have deep connections in friends.”

Peter asks us to see the rise in single population not as a “bug” but as a feature of progress, especially for women.  He says the story of the rise of singles is really the story of the rise of women.
He says ‘the future is about options, not about prescriptions’. He cites Sweden as a global leader in gender equality and the capital of people living as singles. Here, single living is put on par with married living; not better; not worse, just a different path to a fulfilling life.

First Reading
Michal Lehman describes herself as “A single woman in my 30’s; A life blogger, sharing my own experiences and mistakes; Sharing life lessons I’ve learned and how they helped me embrace my singleness.”
The following is an excerpt from her writing entitled “Changing the Consensus of Singles”.

As a single woman in my 30’s I have learned to embrace myself and my singlehood. I learned that life is more than marrying and having kids. While that may be one person’s calling, it may not be another’s.  And that’s okay. No one should be made to feel bad or ashamed about their relationship status.
Being single doesn’t make a person less worthy as a contributing member of society. It doesn’t mean I’m lonely or desperate for a relationship. My relationship status is my choice, not my misfortune.  Never let anyone discourage you of your singleness.

Second Reading
Nora Ephron was an American journalist, writer and filmmaker.  She is best known as the patron saint of the romantic comedy.   She wrote and directed classics like You’ve Got Mail and When Harry met Sally which is widely considered one of the best romantic comedies of all times.  

“It seemed to me that the desire to get married — Which, I regret to say, I believe is basic and primal in women — is followed almost immediately by an equally basic and primal urge, which is to be single again.”

Third Reading
Simon Sherry is a Clinical Psychologist and Professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Dalhousie University. 

“Being single increases connectedness: Single people are not necessarily isolated. In general, singles often have stronger social networks. Their networks tend to be more expansive, with singles more actively involved in their broader community. Moreover, not only do they have more connections, but single people are more likely to maintain the social relationships they have by reaching out and depending on connections.”

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