[1 of 3] "What does the avoidant partner get out of the relationship? Why do they come back at all?"

In today's video and blog post, we are exploring the question...
What does the avoidant partner get out of the relationship? Why do they come back at all?"

Our member asks, “Is it just that they like the taste of love but find it too scary?”

I talked about this in our other video, “What is the difference between Narcissism and Avoidance” (https://youtu.be/J6rcH-7oyaI).

It’s important to realize, all insecure attachment styles stem from narcissistic wounds. When you have a narcissistic wound, you tend to source your sense of self from someone else. All individuals who have insecure attachment styles do this.

When you are experiencing avoidance, you get a rush, a feeling of being filled up, when you’re with someone who is passionate, and very effusive, and they just want to love you so much.

For someone dealing with avoidance, this is very intoxicating, but it also hints at breaking down boundaries as well, and that feels unsafe. It feels unsafe to be in a loving relationship because it always comes with conditions.

For the Open Heart (an anxiously attached person), typically, what they admire in someone who is more avoidant is their sense of independence, their sense of self sufficiency, their ability to walk away if they want to.

For the Rolling Stone (an avoidantly attached person), the Open Heart appears to be much more in touch with their feelings. They are softer and sweeter. They are all of the things that they find enlivening. There is something that speaks to a vitality and connectedness. They voice and express the parts of the Rolling Stone’s self that haven't had the chance to express themselves. This is why, in many ways, they are attracted to each other. It’s the Yin and Yang.

We aren’t just looking for a projection of ourselves. There can be real, true love there.

When we talk about “discernment,” it’s in part being able to weed out “this is really coming from you” and “this is all the other stuff that I’m adding to it.”

A partner finds themselves infatuated and in love because by being in your presence, they feel much more at residence in themselves; because there is an aspect of you that is calling forth that aspect them, and now they feel more whole.

This dynamic is calling you to see and understand that you carry those aspects in yourself, so that you can take ownership and take charge of them. Once you do this, now, the relationship has room for both of you to grow.

But if your only access to that part of yourself is by sourcing it from your partner, that’s where that desperation starts to creep in. That’s when we start to think, “If I don’t have this partner, I will no longer have access to that part of me.” And it is an illusion. That is when our biological attachment becomes an ego attachment. That is what we mean when we say “as is within, so is without.”

In summary, if you’re finding you have an avoidant partner that comes and goes, it may be that they have their own internal drama going on. But there is always going to be some kind of connection there. It’s not “nothing.”

If you are interested in learning more of what I have to say about that, check out the video on my blog here: https://www.brianamacwilliam.com/attachment.

Here are the other videos in this mini-series...

➤[1 of 3] "What does the avoidant partner get out of the relationship? Why do they come back at all?"
https://youtu.be/OPO47hKEh7g
➤[2 of 3] How do you build a secure attachment style while being single?
https://youtu.be/iau3qtHHNNM
➤[3 of 3] What if the root cause of your insecurity, is it your parents?
https://youtu.be/ySDCAm4O99w

[Join private Facebook community and discussion here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/attachmentinadultrelationships/]

⭐WANT TO LEARN MORE? ⭐

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http://bit.ly/4LuvStylesYT

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Видео [1 of 3] "What does the avoidant partner get out of the relationship? Why do they come back at all?" канала Briana MacWilliam