Go My JUJU AND JACEY...... PLUS, Story Time

Hi!!! Guyssss

I was editing this video, then saw myself and decided to share a story with you all.

If You Have A Minute

True Story Cory: Iv'e shared with your guys before and have talked about my social anxiety briefly. Mental illness is real. I've edited out a lot of footage (always do) where my anxiety has gotten the best of me.

It usually kicks in when I'm in public, put under pressure and even when I'm recording (thats' my job and I take it serious) Anything I'm working on for that matter. They are plenty different forms of anxiety and Iv'e either dealt with or dealing with.... ummm, one to many at this point. Without me being aware my mood/behavior changing in seconds.

In public situations such as these, I usually feel like I did something wrong. I never feel worthy enough for those around me and it's always for the dumbest reasons (like being late for instance or being an inconvenience to someone.... Thats' why I like to be alone that way no one will have a problem with me for being me) and that feeling alone will spark up so many other "problems" IN MY HEAD. It comes out of nowhere. I become very awkward and the type of person to start rambling in conversation, shaking, then dropping everything in my hand, bumping into people, I just start panicing on the inside FOR NO REASON (If I'm sitting still and no one is talking to me, I'm very good at hiding this nervousness). When I'm in a real good mood (I literally have to be high on life) or am comfortable with the person..... These feelings goes away, slowly but surely

I feel like people is always paying attention to me and always almost positive that they think "bad" of me. I can't quite put my finger on why I feel this && at the same time I love people and want to be a part of this world and feel normal. I kinda think it comes from not having love or acceptance for so long from so many LOVED ONES, SO MANY disappointments that I shut down and deep down inside believe that no one is capable of loving me, accepting me for who I am or I don't deserve it some how because If loved ones don't care it's hard to believe that anyone else does (in my head). I only like to form genuine relationships but since i don't believe that (in my head) My thoughts are, I'll never change so i might as well be alone and don't get close to anyone.
Honestly, i've been talked down to, not believed in and been criticized by loved ones for just being who i am and doing what makes me happy that somehow along the way I started believing that I wasn't worthy and started operating that way. So a person can literally walk up to me and say they love me and deep down, I won't believe them no matter how passionate they are. I HATE THAT

Anyway, I'm getting really tired and can't think so will talk more about it later. Just wanted to explain my uncomfort in this video and got carried away. LOL One last way Is there anyone else whose mind controls them like this, Am i the only weird one or nah?

Видео Go My JUJU AND JACEY...... PLUS, Story Time канала Beauti-is Her-name