"Thanksgiving Turkey vs Christmas Ham"

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

If ya wanna grab some sweet stocking stuffers (AKA my Merch) You can grab it over at www.HarveySeasalt.com - Thanks!

LYRICS:

TURKEY

Someone tell this fat slab of crap to get to get to steppin
Cuz I don’t need a weapon to quickly send him to heaven
Should call up a reverend pastor or a priest,
cuz battling a beast like turkey will leave you recently deceased
Aww damn, I thought that I was battling a real man,
But somehow ended up with this poor excuse of a meal plan,
You’re the last thing the kids wanna see on the 25th
They’d rather get some socks or a lump of coal as a gift
I’m the main damn attraction, centerpiece of the party
You’re a culinary fuck up clogging the peoples arteries
Pardon me for a second I almost puked at the thought of
Your slimy watery body, it’s honestly fuckin jarring god-damn
Who the fuck would even wanna eat ham?
I wouldn’t have a slice if they were offering me free ham
I even tried to feed it to the dogs and they refused,
Probably the reason why they spike the nog with so much booze
Cuz there aint no way that somebody sober would ever choose
To put you inside they’re mouth, unless they were tryin to lose
They appetite, you’re such a nasty sight
Shit santa clause’ll pass over your house if you serving up ham on Christmas night
Yuck
But everyone is stoked to eat some turkey, even the vegetarians eyes get a lil perky
When I come out the oven all the conversation stops,
When you come out the oven everybody’s stomach drops
I feel sorry for the pig that they sacrificed to make you
The butcher probably knew that he was Makin a mistake too
If ya lookin for me on the dinner table’s where I am,
But if you’re lookin for ham you should check the garbage can, goddamn

HAM

Look
I’m boutta go fuckin Me on this furry feathery freak
Was there tryptophan in that rap?
cause it almost put me to sleep
Yo I had a taste of your meat,
My first bite, made me wanna die
No wonder they smother yo ass with butter
Your fuckin dry
As the sand in the Sahara
Or the bones inside a casket
And ya taste is fuckin awful
Need some cranberry to mask it
Fast, this situations gettin drastic
You try to battle ham then imma stuff you and laugh
as you get your ass kicked (ha)
Turkey, you thought that you could hurt me?
You thought that ham could lose against a dirty piece of bird meat?
You thought them weak ass bars were gonna burn me?
I taste like happiness you taste like sipping on a Diarrhea slurpee
Or takin a big ol bite of butthole jerky
Your mere existence on this planet is enough to irk me
The fact that you think you even compare with this
Classic staple right here is enough drown you down where the water’s murky, yo check it
I’m the better meal in every way no sense in reasoning
I even taste good when white folks are in charge of seasoning
Juicy and delectable and not to be reckoned with
You aint even good enough to serve as a second dish
I’m the man, it’s what I am, it’s what you isn’t
You aint as good as chicken, duck, mallard, peafowl or pheasant
Im gettin sick just being in your presence,
And it’s a crime if people ever use your name and mine in the same sentence
It’s clear to everybody that first place is where I stand
Im Loved on every Christmas all across this merry land
And People might get turkey in a pinch or in a jam
But when they want a perfect Christmas dish no other choice but ham.

Видео "Thanksgiving Turkey vs Christmas Ham" канала Harvey Seasalt