The Bar for 'Involved Dads' Is Embarrassingly Low | Richard Petts (Dad of 2, Associate Dean at BSU)

Richard Petts is a Professor of Sociology and Associate Dean of the College of Sciences and Humanities at Ball State University. He’s also the author of Father Involvement and Gender Equality in the United States, a book that explores how fatherhood is viewed today, why dads still aren’t more involved at home, and what it will take to change that.

He’s a husband and father of two kids, ages 13 and 12. Richard’s research has been shaped deeply by his own experience as a dad, including a traumatic month-long NICU stay with his daughter that revealed just how little support exists for fathers during medical crises.

We discussed:
1. The new fatherhood ideal: Why dads are expected to be more nurturing than previous generations, but still face a very low bar for what “involved” actually means.
2. Why dads still default to breadwinning: How cultural expectations keep men focused on work first, even when they want to be more present at home.
3. The importance of paternity leave: Why the earliest days of parenting matter so much, and how leave helps dads build competence, confidence, and stronger family bonds.
4. What startup founders should know about leave: Why paid parental leave needs to be real, supported by culture, and designed so dads actually feel permission to take it.
5. Mental load and cognitive labor: What happens when fathers share more of the planning, managing, and invisible work that keeps a family running.
Gatekeeping and trust at home: How couples can start small when handing off responsibilities and why delegation is not the same as truly sharing the load.

Where to find Richard Petts
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/richard-j-petts/
X: https://x.com/pettsric
Website: https://www.richardpetts.com/

Where to find Adam Fishman
FishmanAF Newsletter: www.FishmanAFNewsletter.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/
X: https://x.com/fishmanaf

In this episode, we cover:
(00:00) Welcoming Richard Petts, Associate Dean at Ball State University
(02:47) Why father involvement became personal for Adam
(07:14) The NICU crisis that shaped Richard’s research
(10:21) Why dads are often overlooked in healthcare settings
(15:26) What the new fatherhood ideal actually means
(19:40) Why dads still struggle to be more involved at home
(22:53) Why paternity leave is where parenting really starts
(25:03) How paternity leave strengthens relationships
(27:41) Why dads still fear taking leave
(31:05) How startups should design better parental leave policies
(39:20) Why sharing cognitive labor helps everyone
(42:00) How Richard and Amy split the mental load
(43:24) How couples can fix gatekeeping at home
(50:21) How religion can support father involvement
(01:07:12) Lightning round: sound machines, dishwasher rules, Caillou, and minivans

Resources From This Episode:
Father Involvement and Gender Equality in the United States (Book by Richard Petts): https://www.richardpetts.com/book.html
Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men's Lives (Book by Darby Saxbe): https://a.co/d/07Vd3ih2
Fatherly: https://www.fatherly.com/
Sound Machine: https://a.co/d/04is55O1
Indiana Jones (Raiders of The Lost Ark) (Film): https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082971/
Back to the Future (Film): https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088763/
Caillou’s New Adventures (TV Series): https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0262153/
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Видео The Bar for 'Involved Dads' Is Embarrassingly Low | Richard Petts (Dad of 2, Associate Dean at BSU) канала Startup Dad Podcast