How To Fix A Broken Marriage Without Counseling | Paul Friedman

Paul Friedman explains how to fix a broken marriage without counseling and why it works the way it does. This is a positive approach, not a condemnation of marriage counseling. You will learn some true basics that will change the way you see your marriage. You will be encouraged and inspired.

Actually, that's a pretty easy one for me because I began my marriage healing career as a
divorce mediator so I've seen it all. People would come to me and after they went through counseling almost 100% of the time their marriage was done and that's where I got the idea. There's got to be a better path, and there is so you've come to the right place. The first thing we have to do is ask a very simple question.

Why did you get married in the first place?

I have a very simple answer for you, you wanted to be happier. Most people don't think about that when asked that question but that's the bottom line. You wanted to be happier.

Are you happier now?

Obviously not, if you're looking for answers to fix your marriage then you realize your marriage is not functioning. Now I have to ask you another silly question, why isn't your marriage functioning?

Your marriage isn't a ride at some theme park. You didn't just get into a train or a plane and expect to be taken somewhere. It doesn't work that way. Your marriage is a living thing that is controlled 100% by two people, you and your spouse. One of you has tremendous power when the other person lacks so you can't go, "Yeah, well my husband isn't doing his part, or my wife isn't doing her part." You can't do that, it's not how it works, that's not the dynamics of marriage.

Understand this before we get further along, your marriage is not functioning meaning it's not happy and getting happier, and the reason why is because you're not doing your part, I'm going to be blunt. Now you're going to go, "Oh, I'd do everything I can. I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids or conversely, I worked my butt off, I bring home a paycheck, I don't hang out with other women, I'm a good man, I'm a Christian, I'm with this some of that." But you're not educated in marriage and that's the biggest problem that I have seen.

Everyone thinks they already know how to be married but they don't. You didn't even know the answer to the question of, why you got married. You were going to come up with some other reason rather than "I want to be happier." Now I'm going to create a comparison.

You wanted to drive a car. You didn't just get into a car and start driving. You learned about
cars, you learned about roads, you learned about driving conditions. There were all these things you needed to learn but you didn't do that with your marriage; it's not too late. You have to get marriage education, you have to know and it entails quite a number of parts. Now look I cover all this in both of my books Breaking the Cycle and Lessons for a Happy Marriage.

I haven't seen other books that approach it the way I do, I try to make it simple. There's you in the marriage, your psychology, your emotions, your mind, your heart, your soul, and then there are your spouses but they're of a different gender, generally speaking, so you have to learn about genders. You have to learn about psychology, you have to learn about communication, you have to learn about what's expected of you, what is your role. You have to learn how your mind works so you can get it under control. You have to learn about decency, humility; there are all of these aspects.

The good news is it's not so hard to learn these things. You can learn them and you don't have to know them all 100%. The problem is you don't even know them 5% right now. Now if you start reading in the book you're going to go, "Oh, I knew that I knew it." But you're not doing it because you don't know how critical it is so you have to know the importance of each aspect. It has to be clear in your head what you need to do to have a happy marriage.

Good news is this, a happy marriage produces happiness as you've never had before. It's the most amazing thing for you should be walking around in joy literally. And if you're not, it's only because you don't know how to do it. Now that's not true for all marriages and you're going to be thinking, "Yeah, it's not true for mine. He's cheating on me or it's not true for mine, she's not giving me any sex." It's true for every marriage except for the ones that have gone too far as if he's cheating on you. Then you need to do more than just learn.

You do have to learn, there's no getting around that but first, you have to get grounded, You have to learn about yourself first. Usually, when people don't know much about marriage they could learn about marriage in their fight, they don't have to learn that much about themselves.

Watch the video for more.

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Видео How To Fix A Broken Marriage Without Counseling | Paul Friedman канала The Marriage Foundation