Multifandom || Pretend, pretend, pretend.

«The biggest mistake I made was believing that if I cast a beautiful net I would catch only beautiful things.»

I could write an essay about this video, let's just say it's personal. I actually started it three years ago, I had the idea but I didn't know how to execute it properly. Apparently what I needed was time and most importantly the right motivation, in this case: anger. Someone made me really angry one day and I got angry with the whole world, because I'm so tired of everything, and so, that very same day I basically put together the whole voiceover structure of the video.

The video pretty much started focusing on how I feel I have to bend backwards and mold myself into everybody's opinion of what I should be and how I get paid dust anyway, cause nothing is ever enough. So yeah, this video kind of started like a "scr*w you!" to everybody that has ever made me feel like shit for just being myself and liking what I like.
But then I realised that even tho this video felt pretty much like I was only screaming at people I have encountered throughout my whole life, it was not. Because it got to a point where I saw most of it felt like I was arguing with myself. The person I was, with the person I've become.
I regret so many things, mostly things I've done to myself by pretending to be someone I'm not. It has gotten to a point where "pretend" is like a shield in which I feel safe behind, and I've been really trying to put myself out there again but it's hard.
Pretend has been my fortress, it started as a way of protecting who I was from the world... little did I know that would cause me to lose so many parts of myself instead. Now the "shield of pretend" jumps out all of the sudden and most of the time I feel like I'm no longer in control, I just answer things that aren't true to protect myself and I don't even realise it, it just happens automatically. I'm so inside my own head now, my true self is I guess, and it's so difficult to get out.
I only truly feel like myelf when I'm alone.
So a lot of those questions on the video have double meaning, I could be asking someone else or I could be asking myself: "do you even like me?" and honestly, I have no idea.
At the end of the day the person I'm angry with and that I hate the most is me.

... I am sorry. That got way too deep but I just wanted to give a bit of context to this video. Like I said this one is personal. Hope you all are doing better than me at being yourselves and if not, let's hope we can get out of our shells little by little.

Anyway, even if you can relate to it or not, I hope you'll be able to enjoy the video. Thank you so much for watching :)
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• Coloring: dominoesrising.
• Song: at the end of the video.
• Software: Sony Vegas Pro 15.
• Fandoms: The Queen's Gambit, Euphoria, Yellowjackets, Stranger Things, Looking for Alaska, Anne with an e, The Tudors, Love 101, The Haunting of Hill House, Sense8, TUA, Sweet Home, The Great, Young Royals, Sex Education, The Wilds, Selah and the spades, The Magicians, Wandavision.
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RT on Twitter: https://twitter.com/shaiinira/status/1496525391061733383
Reblog on tumblr: https://shainira.tumblr.com/post/677053173605826560/the-biggest-mistake-i-made-was-believing-that-if
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Playlist with the songs used in my videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtKXHNMBoxKTIrTAqGGBv_U-4iY3_HdGJ
https://twitter.com/shaiinira
http://shainira.tumblr.com/https://www.instagram.com/shaiinira/
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Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favourite of fair use.

Видео Multifandom || Pretend, pretend, pretend. канала Shainira