Gottman's 4 Horsemen Explained (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt & Stonewalling)

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Gottman's 4 Horsemen lead to divorce and separation if you don't do anything to stop them.

This video walks you through each of John Gottman's 4 Horsemen (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling) and guides you step-by-step through the antidotes (Gentle Start-Up, Taking Responsibility, and Physiological Self-Soothing).

0:00 - Introduction to Gottman's 4 Horsemen
1:10 - Chart of Gottmans 4 Horsemen with their Antodotes
1:39 - When the Antidotes Don't Work
3:23 - How Arguments Escalate
5:15 - The Attack/Defend Communication Cycle
9:27 - Criticism
14:18 - Group Exercise #1 Turn Criticism into Gentle Start-Up
17:00 - Defensiveness
20:36 - Group Exercise #2 How to Respond to Criticism
22:07 - Contempt (Biggest predictor of divorce)
24:00 - Why Laura Disagrees with the Gottmans
25:41 - Contempt doesn't have an antidote
27:07 - Stonewalling
29:08 - Pursuer/Distancer Pattern
30:42 - Antidote to Stonewalling
31:41 - When timeouts don't work
35:30 - Time-Out Cheat Sheet
36:06 - Group Exercise #3 Self-Soothing Idea Brainstorm
36:30 - Review of Gottmans Antidotes

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are most famous for their ground-breaking research which has been shown to predict relationship dissatisfaction and divorce with 90% accuracy. Laura Silverstein, LCSW is a certified Gottman couples therapist who has been using this model in her office to help her clients for 18 years.

Each of Gottman's 4 horsemen has an antidote which helps couples with the following challenges:

How to speak up about what you need without being critical
How to respond to criticism without being defensive
What to do if there is contempt in your relationship
What to do if one or both parties shuts down during an argument

Ms. Silverstein has been using these strategies and adjusting them according to the results she sees in her office. This video includes the Gottman's advice about how to handle the four horsemen as well as her own personal adjustments to the model. We hope you find it useful.

Видео Gottman's 4 Horsemen Explained (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt & Stonewalling) канала Relationship Academy