if you die, i die

"My hopes are not up"

Warnings for ... sadness? death?
Subtitles Available.
#greysanatomy #meredithgrey #derekshepherd

Phew. Okay.
This was originally supposed to be about season four ONLY. But hey. Watching s4 with the knowledge of what happens down the line just HITS DIFFERENT! With all those clinical trial patients that kept dying, tragic love story and all? Ouch. It really feels like foreshadowing, even though that wasn't the intention at the time !!! Unbelievable.

Anyway, this was originally about Meredith, in therapy, working through her fears and committment issues, and was going to end with 4x17. Lack of inspiration got in the way and prevented me from finishing it back then. Episode 15x12 Girlfriend in a Coma (if she dies I die!!) reignited the whole thing, which turned into this beast. I'm sorry. There's too much in there. Probably confusing, although I'm hoping season four scenes tie everything together. I know s1 through s3 is prime MerDer material, but I have a soft spot for season four, too. Meredith trying to keep a level head and rein her feelings in; her love seeping through nonetheless; the quiet private way she dealt with the pain of seeing her patients die, of seeing love being enough and not enough at the same time. The fear she might be hurt that way, too. And then, deciding to give herself a chance to be happy. I don't think she would take that back, had she known how it would end. Who knows.
s1/2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TVn6dCXyEA
s3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77Ue8MalHyA

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