Parenting Adult Children | If You Only Knew | Tim Ayers

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4



Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21



Overview:

The Greek word Paul uses in this context most likely means older children.
What Paul talks about in his letters was radical and table-turning for the 1st Century Greek and Romans.
Fathers in the 1st Century Roman and Greek worlds had what was called patria potestas: the father’s power. This power was absolute even if a child was an adult.
Roman sons never came of age; as long as a father was living.
Paul uses a word that is translated as ‘bring them up.’ The Greek word is ektretho) and it means ‘To nurture something you cherish.’
The word that gives us ‘discipline’ in this passage is meant something closer to ‘training.’
What Paul meant when he said, ‘nurture your children in the training and instruction of the Lord’ was that we are to 'train and instruct in the ways that Jesus did!'




Fathers and mothers do not do anything to provoke your children to anger, no matter the age of your children, but nurture your cherished ones by training them and instructing them in the same way that Jesus trained his cherished ones.





Tips for Parents:

Don’t give unsolicited advice.
Don’t criticize your children’s parenting.
Be the best model of good parenting in your adult children’s lives.
Remember being their age and think carefully about what it is like to be living through what they are dealing with in today’s world.
Listen more than you talk.
Ask questions that show you want to understand.
Never lecture.
Text or call before you come over.
Observe respectful boundaries.
Don’t be quick to rescue.
Let them take care of you too.
When they ask for advice, don't make judgments.
Accept their significant other with open arms.
Make spending time together fun.
Don't guilt or shame them.




Tips for Children

Don’t pick arguments.
You don’t have to state your opinion on everything.
Don’t make your parents feel defensive.
Don’t see disagreement as a criticism of you personally.
Don’t make vast assumptions about generational differences like everyone in your parent’s generation.
Take responsibility for your own actions and your own attitudes.
Be quick to offer and ask for forgiveness.
If you do ask your parents for advice, listen carefully to their advice and do your best to include their advice in your action steps.
Spend time with your parents outside of the perfunctory moments like birthdays and holidays.
Show them love that is expressed in some way that you know they will appreciate.
Don't become helicopter parents to your parents.




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