I Started Changing Into A Male after 13 years

I always knew there was something slightly different about me, but I just didn’t realise how different until I made an appointment with my doctor to have a general check - up and ask him some questions. I was surprised to see a young female doctor sitting there. I’d been seeing the same doctor my whole life, and I really wasn’t expecting someone el se to be in his place. Anyway, this actually worked out pretty well because she spilled the beans on what was really going on with my health... “Rosie, I see here that just last year you underwent quite a serious surgical procedure. How are you feeling now? ” she asked, smiling kindly at me. “Um...well I don’t think the surgery worked,” I told her. “I mean, look at me...I still don’t have OR my period.” The doctor shifted in her seat, and adjusted her glasses. She looked a bit shocked. “Hang on, ma ybe I’m looking at the wrong file. Sorry...it’s just it says here that you had a gonadectomy, and that it was successful. They removed your testes... -- ” I didn’t hear anything she said after that. My head was spinning. Testes? What did she mean...? And then i t came back to me. I’d heard that word before...the one beginning with g...gonadectomy...When I was a kid, my dad always spoke about it and how I would have it when I was older. I’d been too young to understand, and I thought it was something to do with pu berty. Quickly, the doctor realised what she’d done and apologised. Then she printed my files out and suggested I go home and speak to my parents about it, and if there was anything more I wanted to discuss, I could make an appointment with her at any ti me. On the walk home, I clutched the files tightly to my chest. I needed to speak to my parents...they’d lied to me...How could they have done this to me??? It all started last year when I turned 12. All my friends had started to get their periods and al most all of them were wearing bras. One day I plucked up the courage to ask my mom if she could buy me a bra, even though I was as flat as a pancake, and she just laughed at me. “Why would you need a bra? Don’t be silly.” Then she just changed the subject. But everyone was wearing one! It wasn’t fair! I eventually went out and bought one myself, and stuffed it with socks. But I was too shy to wear it to school...I just wanted to see what I’d look like with breasts. It was something I thought about all the time. Everyone around me was changing and growing, and I felt left behind. But that all changed one day when I noticed a few dark hairs growing above my lip. I was mortified, and immediately plucked them out with my mom’s tweezers. But the very next wee k they’d grown back. I knew my mom used hair remover on her legs, so I asked if I could borrow some for my lip area. When I asked mom this, she was busy cooking, and she almost dropped the pan of food she was carrying. I didn’t understand why she was so fr eaked out. It was just hair! But she told me that NO I could not use her hair cream, and for the rest of the night I could hear her and my dad talking in hushed whispers. Well, I wasn’t going to go to school with a moustache, so I did the next best thing...I shaved it off with dad’s razor. I didn’t need to worry about school though, because when I woke up the next day mom told me we were going to see the doctor. I had no idea why. I didn’t have a fever, I didn’t have a stomach ache...I felt fine. B ut she dragged me along anyway, and her and the doctor spoke about stuff I didn’t understand. Afterwards, mom told me I would be able to get a soon and that if I was lucky, my period might even make an appearance. So the next week when she said we we re going to the hospital for me to have surgery, I didn’t even complain. I figured this was normal, and this was how girls became women. They had a simple surgery and suddenly their grew and their periods came. I was actually quite excited because then I wouldn’t need to hide my flat chest under baggy t’shirts. I don’t remember the surgery at all. They gave me an anaesthetic and when I woke up, I actually looked down at my chest to check...as if I’d expected them to just appear. But I was still flat. And there was this weird pain below my stomach, like a dull ach y feeling. I told the doctor I felt empty, and he laughed. “You are,” he said. I didn’t get it... They let me go home the next day, but I wasn’t allowed to go back to school for three weeks, because I had to heal. The whole time I just felt numb and sad. When I eventually went back, everyone kept asking me where I’d been and if I was sick. One of the boys in my class came up to me and made a joke. He said, “We heard a rumour you were getting plastic surgery for your flat chest, but look at you...c learly not!” Then he laughed and walked away.

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