11: Take Back Your Power from Porn with Gary Wilson

Today I’d like to have a conversation about a topic that’s a little dicey for some of us. Do you or your partner use pornography? What place, if any, does it have in your relationship? Is it helpful? Is it creating conflict? Is it possible that it’s having an influence on your relationship and you don’t even know about it? Today my guest is Gary Wilson, from YourBrainonPorn.com, and author of the book “Your Brain on Porn”. 
 
Rather than talking about whether or not porn is good, bad, or healthy - we’re going to talk about the effects of porn use on your brain - what can happen when you or your partner uses porn - and what can shift when you remove porn from your life. We’re also going to cover how to know if porn is having a secret impact on your relationship, how to have compassion for those who are affected by it, and how to get it out of your life.
 
As for me, I’m curious - not so much about the rightness or wrongness of it - but about what porn does to you and your biochemistry. Is it helping you? Or not? And once you learn about what it does, you might be inclined to find a way to remove it once and for all.  
We all know that porn has become pervasive and woven its way into our culture, primarily by way of the internet.  The use of porn tends to have negative effects on individuals - and, by extension, their relationships, and Gary is here to discuss exactly what is happening with your body’s chemistry as opposed to approaching the subject from a religious or moral perspective.
Highlights of my conversation with Gary Wilson:

Gary never set out to become an expert in this field.  Several years ago, men started posting on his wife’s website forum (which was about relationships) about their porn addictions and the problems that were occurring as a result.  Many of the men experienced sexual dysfunction, but they noticed that when they gave up the porn that they had better sexual function, better relationships, and better emotional health.
Gary was resistant and did not want to address the subject because of the ramifications and the stigma attached to it, but he felt compelled to write articles and get the word out.  He then realized the magnitude of the problem of pornography because of the widespread interest in his articles and the website he created in 2010.  Even though almost all of the recovery stories are from men, many women are affected by porn either directly or indirectly, through problems with their partners’ addictions.
Gary’s work addresses porn from the perspective of the biochemical effect in the brain.  The reward circuit of the brain runs on dopamine and is most highly activated by the things that ensure the survival of you and your genes.  Food, sex, achievement, taking risks, and novelty are just a few of the things that make dopamine levels rise and say, “Do that again!”
So what is it about internet porn that makes it so addictive? Internet porn is “the perfect storm” that raises dopamine and hits us in our primitive reward center. It combines novelty and sex in a way that is almost irresistible to your brain. The curiosity, shock, surprise, and searching qualities of internet porn all work to raise dopamine levels in the brain - tapping into an innate circuitry that was already there to be exploited.
Internet porn is a “supernormal stimulus” that appeals to us far more than normal stimuli. Think of junk foods vs. the whole foods that the hunter-gatherer lifestyle consumes. The added salt and sugar in junk food stimulates the reward center and tells us to over-consume.  In the same way, the unnatural sexual stimuli provided by internet porn make its users easily addicted and captivated by it.
Porn addiction results in the same kinds of changes in the brain that occur in drug addiction.  There are several reputable studies that prove this.  The changes are all due to high levels of dopamine over long periods of time and include less gray matter in the reward center, less sexual arousal, and changes in the frontal cortex.

THAT’S RIGHT - YOUR BRAIN ACTUALLY SHRINKS FROM PORN USE.
Porn users can also notice depression, increased anxiety (especially in social situations), and fuzzy, muddled thinking.

What can you do if internet porn is in your relationship?  Can you help your partner? First, remember that porn has almost nothing to do with you, the partner. The user sees internet porn use as normal and part of everyday life.  A real person can never match the novelty of internet porn, but a real partner can provide love, caring, and touch that a screen cannot. If the partner unplugs, then over time, they will become more sensitive to real interaction and relationship. 
Create a culture of openness in your relationship. If you can not take the problem of a...

Видео 11: Take Back Your Power from Porn with Gary Wilson канала Neil Sattin