How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

Telling your spouse you want a divorce is one of the toughest conversations you'll ever have. At the same time, how you tell your spouse you want a divorce matters ... a lot! It sets the tone for your entire divorce.

Here are 5 tips for how to break the divorce news with grace and dignity.

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So what do you do when you know you want to divorce but you have no idea how to tell your spouse you want a divorce?
Today we’ll talk about how you tell your spouse you want a divorce. But before we do, let’s talk about you.

You know your circumstances and your spouse way better than anyone else. If there's been violence in your marriage and you're worried about your safety, then what I'm about to say in this video is not for you. You’ve got to make sure that you're safe.

But if you're not in that situation where you're worried about your personal safety, how do you tell your spouse that you want a divorce?

#1 HAVE the conversation.

You would be surprised at the number of people who try to avoid the conversation. They have their lawyer call their spouse. Or they have their lawyer send a letter to their spouse. Or worse yet, they send the sheriff to serve their spouse with divorce papers first. That’s such a bad idea.

If you want to have any hope of making your divorce amicable and civilized, having your spouse learn about the divorce by getting served with papers is the worst way that you can do it. It starts your divorce off badly AND how you start your divorce sets the tone for how everything goes from that point forward.

# 2 Know what you're going to talk about.

There's a big difference between presenting your decision to divorce as a done deal and presenting it as a conversation about the state of your marriage.

Now, in general, if you can include your spouse in your decision-making process that's always going to go batter. Why? Because no one wants to be told what to do! No one wants their spouse to say, “This is it, I’ve decided and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Unfortunately, sometimes you can't do that (for whatever reason).

If that's the case, then be honest about it! If what you have is a decision, then you need to present this as a decision to your spouse. Don’t pretend it’s a conversation or pretend that you're open to reconciling if you’re not.

That's just mean.

Pretending you can save your marriage when you know in your heart there's no way that's going to happen that makes no sense at all. So whatever you do, be honest.
#3 Pay attention to logistics.

Have this conversation when you and your spouse are alone. Don’t have it when anyone else (especially your kids!) are around.

Make sure you have time for the conversation before you start. If you're leaving to go someplace in 10 minutes that is not the time to have this conversation.

Don't have this conversation right before bed when you and your spouse are tired.

Finally, pay attention to the conversation. Turn your cellphone off!

Your cell phone shouldn’t even be in the same room with you.

Focus on the conversation and give it it’s due.

#4 Be sensitive and be kind.

If the tables were turned, how would you want to hear this kind of news? Think about that and use that level of kindness and sensitivity when you're talking to your spouse - even if you can't stand your spouse!

How you act now will set the stage for how things go from now on.

#5 Rehearse!

… and I don't mean rehearsing in your head! Stand in front of a mirror and rehearse out loud. Or rehearse to a good friend or a therapist.

Rehearsing is going to make you more confident. It's going to make you more clear about what you're trying to say.

Also, when you rehearse, take a moment to try to anticipate what your spouse's reactions will be. Then formulate in your head how you'll react to those reactions. That, too, will help you become more prepared and will build your confidence.

Finally, be kind to yourself too.

This is a hard conversation to have. The fact that you’re actually having it is a BIG PLUS for you! Remember, all you can do is be prepared and do your best.

Hang in there.

Видео How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce канала Karen Covy