How To Forgive A Cheating Spouse

Your spouse cheated on you and it HURTS. You have a sense of loss. Your trust is broken. Maybe you’re thinking about hurting your spouse like you spouse hurt you. Maybe you want to get revenge.

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While you may want to get revenge, we don’t recommend it. Why? If revenge becomes your focus, it can mess up your future. That is why we promote forgiveness. Learning how to forgive starts your journey of healing from this deep pain- even if your spouse and the affair partner don’t deserve it. It doesn’t set them free, rather, it sets you free from being chained down by what they did.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that those who hurt you won’t face consequences, they will. And forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to restore your marriage, but if you wish to repair your marriage, it CAN be done- even if you think it’s impossible.

In this video, Dr. Joe Beam will teach you three things you can do to forgive, take control of your emotions, and take control of your life.
First, stop the “mind movies” of replaying what you think may have happened. This includes, thinking about where they went, what experiences they shared, and the things they did that make you sick to think about. Refuse to allow yourself to play those terrible mental videos of what happened.
Instead, any time you start thinking about it, focus your mind on something else. And, if you need help doing this, check out the free PDF from Harvard Medical School about Stress Management, paying close attention to the section on Mindfulness: http://cdn.content.health.harvard.edu/media/files/SC1016.pdf
The second thing you can do is stop playing the BLAME game. Don’t blame yourself for your spouse’s cheating. Don’t blame it all on your spouse. And, don’t blame it all on the other person in the affair. Rather, acknowledge the complexity in the causes of the affair, and do not try to dig into all of that right now. The most important thing for you- right now- is to begin to heal emotionally.
That brings us to point number three, CHOOSE to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t an emotion or something you “feel” that you’re ready to do- it is a decision.
And, there are the two parts of that decision. First, choose to see the person who hurt you as a flawed human. Why? Because if you perceive them as being horrible, you can justify anything you do to them. Ruin their reputations, mistreat them, turn others against them, etc. Rather, choosing to see them as flawed allows you to reframe how you think about them. Yes, flawed, and sometimes very selfish, but still a human being who messed up.
The second choice is to decide NOT to take vengeance. Punishing the other person changes you in ways that you’ll regret. If you focus on punishing those that hurt you, you’ve tied yourself to your hurt rather than freeing yourself from it. You won’t heal. You’ll stay in this angry, unhappy state for a long time. Free yourself by choosing to forgive.
And last of all, know this, we can help! If you want to repair and restore your marriage, we’re happy to help. Even if you think that there is no way your marriage can be saved, even if your spouse is still in the affair, there is HOPE!

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Видео How To Forgive A Cheating Spouse канала Marriage Helper