How Many Times Should I Forgive My Husband | Paul Friedman

How many times should you forgive your husband? Watch Paul try to help you out of the dilemma that you're having.

From a spiritual point of view, how many times are you forgiven? We always forgive but that's not really solving the problem. The real problem is that your husband is behaving in a way that is undermining your marriage and we need to take a look at that because you can do something about it. Now I'm not putting a burden on you. I want to lay out an opportunity for you. Every once in a while some lady will comment, "Oh, why do these men always put everything on the woman in the marriage. It's all up to her," and you should hear how I talk to men. That's all I can say about that. The point is when you come looking for help you're the one who's receptive male or female. The other one is not looking for help at the moment. So, what good is it for me to put the burden on the other one?

In this case you're the wife, you're asking, "How many times must I forgive my husband?" What you're really asking if I may be so bold is, "Is my marriage going to be okay? Is there something
I can do to make my marriage work so I don't have to keep forgiving my husband." Answer is yes, the answer is yes. You see what happened is that you got married without understanding your husband. You got married without understanding yourself and you got married without
understanding marriage. Welcome to our current society where there's a complete lack of knowledge in these areas. We go to school and we study Algebra. We study social studies but we don't study human individual study.

We don't learn about how biology affects a man, how it affects a woman. We don't learn how your mind belongs to you and you're responsible for how it thinks. Believe it or not. Everyone thinks, "No, I just have those thoughts. What am I supposed to do?" Well, you have free will and those thoughts aren't just these thoughts. They're your thoughts and you could change them,
and your behavior. It's your behavior and you could change it. The marriage, what about the marriage the marriage? It's a collective of only two people. If you behaved with each other in a
prescribed manner that brought happiness which is why you got married in the first place to be
happier. You would be happy but you didn't learn these things.

Let's take some of the burden off of your husband even though he's misbehaved terribly and
let's take the burden off of you. And instead, let's do this, instead of asking the question of,
how many times should I forgive him? Because then what you're doing is you're saying, "And then it's over." We're not going to go there. Let's transform your marriage instead. Isn't that a better idea?

Why give them an ultimatum even in your own mind, even if you don't say something?

First of all, don't confront him. Don't nail him because he's behaving according to a combination of who he is and how he's responding to his environment which is primarily you. Here's what I'll say. Work on you, your environment you're creating and let's see what happens, and how do you do that? Now if your marriage is just like no fun and his misbehavior is not like cheating on you
then just get one of my books and learn about yourself. Learn about marriage, learn what to do, what not to do and you'll probably be fine. Now I have to say, if your marriage is really slipping
towards divorce. If you really are getting to the end you can't take it anymore then that's what
the courses are designed for. There's a course for women. You don't have to have your husband take the course for men.

You may introduce it to him but if he's really not into it. Just take the course for women -- it will work. You on your own can change all of the dynamics in your marriage and the reason why that works is because think of two of you just sort of like this in a boat. Okay, and if just one of you picks up an oar and starts rowing that boat's going to have movement. Your marriage will move
and your husband will generally respond. So let's not talk about forgiveness right now just forgive him because he was ignorant and don't blame yourself because you're ignorant. It's not about blame. It's about taking the marriage from where it is right now and turning it into what it's supposed to be.

Marriages are amazing when you know how to run them. You want to have a marriage that's off
the charts. You can do that. You still can do it. I hope this was helpful. I don't want you heading towards ultimatum city. I want you to heal your marriage so you get the benefits. The unconditional love, the happiness every day getting better -- it's not too late for that. Not at all. Take advantage of the videos we have, subscribe, learn more. Read the books. Get the course whatever will help you because when your marriage is running well there's nothing like it.

#marriageproblems #angermanagement #angermngt #marriagewithoutdivorce #frustratedwoman #frustrated

Видео How Many Times Should I Forgive My Husband | Paul Friedman канала The Marriage Foundation