Whatever! I Do What I Want! - SOUTH PARK

Cartman and his mom are interviewed on the Maury Povich Show. Cartman dresses up and tries to prove that he is out of control.
"Freak Strike" S06

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INT. TELEVISION
A Maury title card appears with fast paced music.
ANNOUNCER
And now, back to more Kids Who are out
of control on the Maury Povich Show!
EXT. MAURY POVICH SET - DAY
Mauray is on set with Vanity and her mother and is now
joined by Cartman's mother with an empty chair next to her,
and another mother, Joline, with a chair next to her.
MAURY POVICH
Our next mother is Liane Cartman. Her
son claims to be the most out of control
teen in the world and says there's
nothing his stupid mom can do about it.
AUDIENCE
Awwww...
MOTHER
Why won't you kids behave?
Vanity again smacks the shit out of her mother.
VANITY

SHUT UP SKANK! HE'S NOT TALKING TO YOU!
MOTHER
(Cries)
MAURY POVICH
So, Ms. Cartman, you can't control your
child?
CARTMAN'S MOM
Oh, my little poopsiekins gets into no-
nos once in a while, but he's still my
perfect little sumpsie-kittles.
MAURY POVICH
Well your son made a video back stage
let's take a look-
MUSIC starts as Cartman appears on the video screen, all
whored out. The video is handheld and going in and out from
full shots to CU's of Cartman's body.
CARTMAN
Mauray - I am out of control.
Edit
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Yeah I use drugs, I can do what I want,
bitch.
Edit
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
I have sex and I don't use protection.
It's my hot body I'll do what I want.
Edit
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
I don't go to school and I kill people.
Wha-eva. I'll do what I want.
The video freezes and we're back on set.
AUDIENCE
BOOOOOO!
CARTMAN'S MOM

Oh, he's such a cutie!
MAURY POVICH
Well let's bring him out, here is Eric
Cartman!
Cartman walks out dressed like a whore and immediately
starts flipping everybody off.
AUDIENCE
BOOOO!!!!
CARTMAN
Wha-eva! Wha-eva!
Cartman takes a seat next to his mother.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
My mom can't control me! Ax huh! Ax
huh!
MAURY POVICH
Ms. Cartman what does your son like to
do?
CARTMAN'S MOM
Well, he loves playing with his Clyde
Frog and Wellington Bear.
CARTMAN
Mom, we're pretending remember? Sex and
drugs.
CARTMAN'S MOM
Oh, I mean sex and drugs.
AUDIENCE
Hohhhhhhh!!!!
Cartman gets off his chair and does that gay snapping the
fingers arm move.
CARTMAN
Wha-eva! Wha-eva!
Vanity rolls her eyes from her chair.
VANITY
Oh wha-eva, you ain't a tough ho.

CARTMAN
Wha-eva! I'm more out of control than
you! Don't talk to me Bitch!
VANITY
Bitch I'll talk to you if I want, BITCH.
I run with gangs!
CARTMAN
(Going back to his seat)
Oh yeah?! I run with TWELVE gangs, and
we only commit hate crimes. Wha-eva,
I'll do what I want!
Cartman puts up his hand and turns away from the girl as she
talks.
VANITY
Wha-eva! You ain't bad you ain't
nothing! I ditch class and go shoot
heroin in the school bathroom.
CARTMAN
Wha-eva! I ran for congress and WON.
Then I had sex with an intern, killed
her, and hid her body. Wha-eva! I'll
do what I want!

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