Stop Being Defensive + Learn to Listen - Effective Communication Tips

Stop Being Defensive + Learn to Listen - Effective Communication Tips
https://terricole.com/effective-communication-tips-guide/

Why is defensiveness so damaging to our relationships? As one of my personal mental health heroes, Dr. Harriet Lerner, would say:

“Defensiveness is the arch-enemy of listening.”

Why? Because you can’t be defensive and listen simultaneously.


It’s impossible. There are all different levels of being defensive, and there are many reasons why some people are more defensive than others.

So much of it has to do with the home you grew up in and the behavior that you saw modeled when you were a child. Questions to guide you:

When problems or conflict arose, what kind of behavior did you witness?
How did your parents or caretakers communicate? With one another? With you?
Did you grow up in a very authoritarian home?
If you made a mistake, how was it handled? Was it a big deal?
You might have grown up in circumstances in which it was natural for you to be defensive or always on guard to protect yourself. If your childhood environment was chaotic, scary or dangerous and there were serious consequences to your mistakes or behavior, it makes sense that defensiveness would become a part of your self-preservation strategy.

If you grew up in a very strict household, it could even have been very natural for you to lie to get out of trouble. The child within you would benefit from you giving yourself some grace as to why you did what you needed to do in order to avoid pain or punishment.

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)

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Видео Stop Being Defensive + Learn to Listen - Effective Communication Tips канала Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM