The Science Behind Why You Fall In Love With A Certain "Type"

Do you think that chemistry really exists? Weigh in here: http://www.yourtango.com/200910340/are-you-chemically-compatible

If you've ever wondered why you fell in love with your partner, you're definitely not alone. Racking your brain to try and figure out what made him stand out over all of the other fish in the sea, only to come up with nothing can be super frustrating. But what if we were to tell you that there is actually science behind why we fall so hard? In fact, you can blame it on your brain chemistry and pheromones! Dr. Helen Fisher, world renowned biological anthropologist, discusses her book, "Why Him? Why Her?", which explains the connection between biology and human attraction. Here's how to tell if you're really compatible or not.

[TRANSCRIPT]

Hi! My name is Dr. Helen Fisher and the book is: Why him? Why Her?: Finding real love but understanding your personality. For me this was the last big question. Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another. I’ve have always known there was chemistry in the brain to romantic love but maybe there’s chemistry between certain kinds of people. So I began to look into the genetic literature to find out who we are and then who we love. As it turns out there's a lot of chemicals in the brain that code for the blinking of the eye, the pounding of the heart etc.. But there's only a few chemicals that seem to be directly related to, um, personality traits. Dopamine, Serotonin, Testosterone, and Estrogen and Oxytocin. And these four chemical types I call The Explorer, the builder, the director the negotiator. The Explorer tends to be with risk taking, novelty, curious, creative, spontaneous, and optimistic.

Barack Obama is a perfect example. So is Angelina Jolie; very different kinds to people but both had that energy, curiosity. The second type is the builder. These people are calm, social, popular, cautious, but not fearful their traditional often religious. I think George Washington was a good example. Tiger Woods is a good example. The third type is the the director. They are direct, decisive, tough-minded, competitive, and ambitious. Hillary Clinton's the perfect example. John McCain's a very good example. He said “fight” 43 times in his acceptance speech. The fourth type is the negotiator. They see the big picture, they’re very flexible, imaginative. very, intuitive compassionate. Bill clinton's the perfect example. Men are expressive as estrogen as well as women.

What I did on chemistry.com is I studied forty thousand people to see more about these four basic types and then I watched who with chose to go out with whom for a first date. As it turns out the Explorer type the dopamine type tends to be drawn to people like themselves. They want somebody who's energetic, enthusiastic, adventurous, curious, creative. To explorers who are drawn to each other I think are Barack and Michelle Obama. The builder type they also go for people like themselves others who are traditional; other builders. The director, the high testosterone type, goes for high Estrogen and the high Estrogen goes for high Testosterone and I think a very good example that is Hillary and Bill Clinton. Hilary is the more high testosterone. She’s direct, she’s decisive, she's tough-minded and he's very drawn to her. So that's a very good example. I think that this explains a puzzle that scientists and laymen have wondered for ever: Do opposites attract? Do birds of a feather flock together? And as it turns out it depends on what your personality type is. I think that once you know what type you are you can help yourself out in the dating scene.

For example, explorers are so charismatic and are so interesting and so charming and so I say to them “Go slower, don't leap into things”. The builder tends to follow with schedules. You gotta take some risks. They can be too modest and they can brag a little bit more. The director has to get out there and do the dating. They often find the dating a pain in the neck. They wanna stay at the desk they'll bring the BlackBerry on the date and keep working. That's a mistake. The negotiator is so flexible so kind so compassionate that people will interpret them as a doormat. They won't be decisive and so they've got a stick up for themselves they gonna stick up for their ideas. Once you figure out who you are, and who you're dating by knowing these personality types you can reach them. You can find in the city. You can win them.

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