My Mom Is Disgusted With The Way I Look

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I have long hair, wear skinny jeans and I got my nose and both ears pierced. So, I have all the things that my parents hate. I keep hearing that only girls can have long hair, ear piercings, and skinny jeans. If a guy has any of the above, well, it means he is clearly gay. My dad has such an opinion mainly because of toxic masculinity. But my parents got divorced, so now he doesn’t really care how I look. But my mom… Well, she constantly hits me with homophobic slurs and harsh comments, even though I’m straight.

It all started when I was a kid. I saw a boy with long hair and skinny jeans that made me think “Woah, he looks so cool!”. So, since then I wanted to grow my hair and wear tight jeans. But my mom didn’t allow me, she only said: “You must want to look like a girl if that’s the case”. So, she would take me to cut my hair down to a buzz and made me wear baggy jeans. Anyways, somehow I managed to convince her to let me wear tight jeans and get my left ear pierced. But she still kept insulting me. I remember this one moment that I still can’t forget. I really wanted to get my nose pierced, but I was so scared to tell her... I would compare the fear to someone who’s planning to come out. I remember saying it in a joking manner, adding a fake laugh. It was like, “Mom, I think I want a nose piercing”. The first thing that came to her mind, of course, that I was gay. She said, “Men that have those look like such homos. I suppose you want me to buy you girly clothes too since you want to look like one?” It really hurt me. She tried to pass off her close-minded views as facts. I tried to talk with her about the whole situation, but she kind of brushed it off and continued to say she won’t allow it.

The thing is, my mom keeps accusing me of being gay only because of my style. Such accusations led to me obsessing over my sexuality and made me wonder if I was really straight. I knew I was only into women, but at that moment I kept analyzing my walk and my personality or remembering my past experience with girls. I ended up overcoming this, but for a time, it really began to mess with me. And you know, I just have a taste for different things! But I see the expression on my mom’s face, looking almost disgusted, every time she looks at me.

I feel like I’m disappointing my mom and the rest of my family because I chose to look the way I want to. Even though my mom made me question myself about my own identity and still gives me a hard time, I wouldn’t change a thing. At the end of the day, the only person you need to please is yourself and as long as you are satisfied with who you are, then nobody else’s opinion should have any influence or hold any kind of weight to you.

Animated by Meinart Animation Studio
www.meinart.lt
https://www.facebook.com/meinartanimation/

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Видео My Mom Is Disgusted With The Way I Look канала Dear Diary